Chapter 1:The Real Slim Shady
"Sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak. When you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you. You gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse."
This is the intro to Eminem's song "Till I collapse" featuring Nate Dogg on his latest LP "The Eminem Show". But these are more than just lyrics. Eminem gives this pep talk to himself on a regular basis while looking into his bathroom mirror and some days he needs to feel these words more than others do. He never knows what each day will bring, how many hoops he'll have to jump through and how many tasks he'll have to juggle. Every day is a three-ring circus for him. I know what's going on in his head and in his heart. I'm the one he calls from LA and wakes up at 3 a.m., after he just signed a new artist to his record label and he's so excited. I'm the one he vents to when his family, his ex-wife, or even Dr. Dre is getting on his last nerve. I've been the one he calls when he's feeling unsure of himself. I have been his best friend and now I'm cleaning out my closet. You know him as Eminem. I know him as Marshall Bruce Mathers III. Only those on his payroll call him "M". Marshall was born on October 17, 1972, one week before me. I remind him all the time how he is the older one! Aging is a terrifying thing to Marshall. He dreads getting older. In fact, he likes that the media thinks he is a year younger than he really is. "Every year counts" he told me once. We joke about him turning 29 again; he usually laughs it off. Marshall is worrying. To him, if he doesn't have his youth, he doesn't have a career. He worries that the population of hip-hop artists is getting larger and the average artist is getting younger. This "aging thing" is just one of the many pressure he faces everyday. Other problems include his ex-wife, his mother, the daily drama at home, trouble with the media, lawsuits and probation. His demanding schedule and fatherhood also make Marshall feel weak and want to fall flat on his face and collapse. Marshall and I go back to Kennedy Elementary School in Warren, MI. Although neither of us attended that school after the third grade, we both ended up at Lincoln Jr High School and later at Lincoln Senior High School. Marshall dropped out in the ninth grade. The reason he gave was that our English teacher Mr. Panza told him that he would never amount to shit. It was that year that he started hanging out with my cousin Kim Scott. Kim and I are not blood-related cousins, thank God! We just grew up together, calling each other's parents "Aunt" and "Uncle". I've known her and her twin sister Dawn since we were 8 and 10 years old. Our mothers are best friends and Bingo buddies. It's through Kim that I was able to know Marshall. You will find out later, that being a part of his world has been hell, yet I do not regret getting to know the real Marshall Mathers. Marshall is a very troubled but funny guy. You could go as far as to say he's "goofy". He's incredibly talented, often free-stylin around the house. I am always amazed how if you give him a sentence he will run with it inventing quick but humorous lyrics making everyone laugh. He does hilarious impressions, his best is, Kermit the Frog. I remember cooking dinner one day, in his Clinton Township home, and hearing this weirdo start running through the house yelling, "I...want to be an Air Force Ranger!" I swear you can't help but laugh! He is such a little boy sometimes; he even has a silly laugh that he only does when he is especially amused. He makes it a point not to smile with his teeth showing. Actually, its hard for him to smile at all for any camera at any time. Its weird, and it bugs me I think it has something to do with his image, wanting to look the part of a gangster and all. I guess some people can't look tough and smile at the same time. I just stopped taking pictures of him. I figured if I wanted a thugged out picture of Eminem, I would download one off the internet. I happen to like the real Marshall better. The Marshall I know is a real character. I mean, he's notorious for mooning people, sticking his naked cheeks up against the glass windows while we are all swimming. Some people laugh, others are shocked. His daughter, Hailie Jade just says "Oh Daddy, you're being stupid!" She is the one he's trying to amuse most of the time. He chases her around the house calling for her in a creepy voice while she runs giggling and screaming. He finds it his job to make that little girl laugh. Sure, he could afford to hire a clown. But he is her clown! I believe that the world has already seen a glimpse of what a cheeseball Marshall can be. Look at a few of his videos. He's a lunatic! A lot of what is portrayed in his videos Marshall throws in on the spot; or ad-libs. That is amazing considering how nervous he gets. I think that everyone handles nervousness in different ways and he is able to be more humorous when he is not comfortable. Besides his videos, there is a cartoon that was created for him, The Slim Shady Show, which was based on his humor. It shows how weird and hilarious he really is. He does the voices for different characters, and has input on the storylines. Now, some of its humor is a little bizarre, and generally, not for kids, but many people would say he is a genius. While struggling as a genius spilling his guts through his pen, living life as one of the worlds most publicized celebrities, Marshall is the most loving of fathers I've ever known. His world revolves around his little girl. Whatever will put a smile on her face, he'll do. During the holiday season last year, he hired a horse drawn carriage to drive Hailie, my two daughters, him and I around all the mansions in Manchester Estates where he lives. There were times when he should be working in the studio. Instead he would go out and jump on the trampoline or play with Hailie and her Barbie dolls because that's what would make her happy. He doesn't even employ a nanny. Some people say it's because he is too cheap, I think it's because he has never found a nanny good enough for his daughter. If his child wants to do something, he'll find a way to get it done. A lot of the times he would call me to fulfill her wishes. He would call me late on a work night to bring my kids over because that is what Hailie wanted. He would call sometimes and tell me to change my plans because Hailie wanted us all to go to the movies together. He even puts up with Kim's mouth and bites his tongue for the sake of his princess. Hailie is the reason he has been civil to Kim. There is only one human being that Marshall will ever live to please, and that is Miss Hailie Jade. Marshall is so crazy about his child that he has to talk to her several times a day. He has called me from Japan, Australia, Sweden, and all over the U.S. because he wanted me to track down Hailie for him since Kim likes to shut off her cell phone and ignore his calls. She does this when she is out on the town or just wants to be a bitch. She knows it is torture for him not to talk his little girl. The man even has a hard time sleeping at night. He needs a fan blowing in a certain way just to relax. He has to have complete darkness, and he must have his daughter with him. She's like his little blonde-haired teddy bear. Sometimes he would have to beg her repeatedly to sleep in his room especially when my 7-year-old daughter would stay the night. On those nights, Hailie would not sleep with her daddy unless my daughter did too. The next morning I'd go over there and find them all crashed out in his room. He never cared, as long as Hailie was happy. No matter how many Hollywood women come his way, no matter what demands Kim makes, no one will ever stand above Hailie Jade. He would give anything, even his life, for her. I may find a lot of faults with Marshall, but I have to say I wish more fathers were like him. I am proud of the changes he made in himself since his run in with the law back in 2000. He has told me stories of his "old life" when he wasn't such a good father. He's always been good to Hailie, but he was not always responsible in his decision making. He admitted his massive drug use early on in his career and told me stories about this trips to Mexico (to smuggle in vicodin). "That's how bad my addiction was. I would stuff bags of it into my socks to get through customs." Those days seem to be over. There were times when weed was offered to him at parties, I've witnessed him turn it down. Of course, it had a lot to do with his probation and surprise drug tests, but still, he is a long way from being like the "old Marshall". In his way of thinking is, "My daughter is too important to me. I can't go to jail." It really bothers Marshall that the public sees him as a bad father. He acts like he doesn't care what anyone thinks, but I can tell it does when it comes to his job as a dad. I try to tell him not to listen to what other people say. I've sent him cards and notes telling him that he is a very good father. Next to my husband, Marshall is the best father I know. Marshall was worried about doing a track with Hailie. She appeared on "I Think My Dad's Gone Crazy" on his new LP. Marshall was afraid the media would use the song against him, calling him a negligent father for putting his 6 year old on his new CD. "Hailie would always know her daddy loved her enough to do a song with her" he said. She had a ball making that track and thinks she is a star! Marshall said in a MTV interview that he is scared because she has such a star quality in her already. Marshall had to come up with an explanation for Hailie. In the beginning of the song, it sounds like he is snorting coke. He just tells her that he's blowing his nose. He is trying to keep her a little girl and not give her too much grown up information. He especially refuses to let her know her mother has had a cocaine addiction. I really admire him for that. Marshall is the more mature parent of the two. Marshall is great to all kids. Whenever he sees a little kid, he stops and makes it a point to have a conversation and play with him. He told me once about how he stopped to talk to a kid back stage at one of his concerts. He was like, "hey little girl, how's it goin?" When the kid spoke and he realized it was LiL Bow Wow. He was like "oops!" But that's just Marshall. He thinks all kids are cool! My three kids adore Marshall and he always tells me how "incredible" he things they are. He is their "Uncle Marshall" and that's the way it's been for the past two years and that's how it will always be in their hearts. It's heartwarming and adorable how my kids find it very important to buy him Christmas, birthday and Father's Day gifts. Do not think a holiday goes by that he does not spoil the shit out of them just as he spoils his little cousins. Last Christmas he gave them a ton of toys including a collector's Eminem action figure the boxes were autographed to each one and signed "Love, Uncle Marshall". Easter is the same way. They all get their own huge baskets of candy and toys. He even has the kids accustomed to walking in, going to the refrigerator and taking whatever they want at his house. I tried to correct them once for doing that but he yelled at me. "Take whatever you want", he said. If they happen to want something he does not have, which is rare, he would send his assistant and body guard, Dewayne, to go get it. My kids came to know that they'd get spoiled when they went to Uncle Marshall's house. I just made sure they would never too used to it! There are certain kids at that house that eventually grew to be spoiled brats and I refused to let that happen to mind. My guess is to why he loves kids so much is probably because he is a big, overgrown kid! You can tell that as soon as you walk into his house! He had a movie theater built into his basement after his studio addition was finished. This is no average movie theater. This one has curtains that open up while dimming the lights, fiber optics on the ceiling that sparkle like stars, and all the seats are miniature recliners. He even has a popcorn popper, soda fountain, and nacho dispenser. Even I feel like a kid when we're in there! Next to the theater is the game room with 8 arcade games, a pool table, air hockey, jukebox and a giant Spiderman statue. It's like heaven for any kid. You should see kid's faces as soon as they walk in! Not all this is just, because Marshall is a big kid, but also because he wants to give Hailie everything he never had when he was growing up. Many times, we would share stories of our childhood and what he and I went through. We definitely have a lot in common and we both have the same goal, to make our kids childhood better than our own. I admire that in him. I just wish he would be careful not to give too much. Whatever she bugs for, she get. Friends over late at night, All the Mountain Dew and candy she wants at 12:30 a.m., drive thru Taco Bell almost every single day, it does not matter what she wants, she gets it. I have told him many times Hailie has him wrapped around her finger because daddy cannot say "no". I said, "Say it with me now, N-O!" He says, "I know. I'm working on it". Hopefully he realizes that there really is a difference between a happy child and a spoiled child. If he doesn't, he is not going to listen to anyone who tells him so. Some people say he just gives her whatever she wants just to shut her up. I know he does it out of love. He wants to give her the world on a silver platter. I just hope he doesn't over do it. He may regret it one day. I know that the rest of the world doesn't know the Marshall I know. You will find Marshall's real personality, versus the public persona, isn't flashy or provocative. If the whole world knew who he really was, he might not need protection against the harsh world of "gangsta rappers", the media or even his verbally abusive ex-wife. He keeps only a small close circle of friends. I'm sure he thinks it wouldn't be good for his image if you all knew the real "Eminem". He feels that if people try to fuck with his world now, imagine if he didn't have that thug image. ----- In his world of battles with other artists, legal battles with his own family, and trying to make a living, Marshall feels he must put on the "criminal/gangster" mask. He feels that it comes with the territory. He knows his time is now and this is his place in history. He feels very lucky to have a career as red-hot as his. He has to play his part every step of the way. Having to change, who he is, is just one sacrifice Marshall has to make. He finds it a worthwhile change. To be able to ride the ride while he's hot, I suppose he does what he has to. Even hide away his true identity. Like Spiderman, his favorite comic book hero, Marshall has two personalities. Not everyone gets to see them both. Sometimes I'm confused when I see him on stage or on TV. It's almost like he transforms into another human being. Sometimes it's hard to separate the two Marshall's. After spending a lot of time with him, I thought maybe there is only one "real" Marshall. He must have to work himself up and turn a switch to make himself the cold arrogant person that the media sees as Marshall Mathers. I really feel he has to work at even being confident just to be "Eminem" on stage. I say this because he totally has a major complex about his nose and chin. If you hear him in interviews, he's constantly making fun of himself about them! I know what he's doing. I've done it most of my life. Make fun of yourself so that others will not. It sounds stupid but it works. Another reason he has that complex is, according to Marshall; Kim used to always put him down. She used to call him "Rat Boy". There's an esteem builder right there. Marshall is also really bad at taking rejection, which you'll read later in this book. This problem makes it really hard to open up to people, especially women. This makes sense considering the two major women in his life have scarred him so bad that he may never recover. The "real" Marshall is shy, but he does not show it. Instead he lets his witty side show. When he starts cutting you down jokingly with quick, funny jabs, you'll find that you can't possibly keep up with him. There have been times where my 14-year old daughter would attempt a battle of wits with Marshall. The key word was "attempt". He would start on me sometimes, finding my weak spot or whatever embarrasses me and jab at me relentlessly. A lot of the time I give up and leave the room just like my daughter. "You win this time" I'd say and threw my hands in the air. Sometimes he was not to lucky. Swearing I'd get even, I came up behind him once in the poolroom wrapped my arms around him and jumped in clothes and all. It's a good thing he had taken off his diamond and platinum watch, and all of this platinum bracelets. He was, however, still wearing his $175 Nike shoes. I looked around at his family, who's jaws hung open. His little cousin started yelling "those were his favorite basketball shoes!" I looked at him, his clothes completely drenched like mine, not knowing what to expect. He looked at me and finally burst into laughter and called me a "fuckin jerk", which I learned later was to be considered a term of endearment from him. He would also call me a faggot or call me up just to tell me to "eat a dick!" Yes, you could definitely say he has a twisted sense of humor at times. that is how I know Marshall does not say these words in his music because he is homophobic. He says them because they are just words to him. They're a kind of slang that we both grew up using when we're hanging out with our friends. I've said it before I am the farthest away from being homophobic. We just didn't know any better and weren't taught any better. After talking with his mother a few times, its a wonder that Marshall has any manners at all, much less a proper vocabulary! Like everyone else, Marshall has his qualities as well as his flaws. there are many things I respect about him; there are also many things that piss me off about him. But I've never told him until now. I was always afraid he'd kick me to the curb like all the others and our friendship would end. I've always cared about him and felt sorry for him. I was worried about what would happen if I wasn't around to make him feel better about himself all the time. In Marshall's life there aren't a lot of people that stay around for very long, most of thse people are the ones making him think he can't get along with out them and they're being financially supported by him. It does not make sense. You will get a clear picture as you read on about how the people in Marshall's life operate and how they control his decisions. You can tell from his music that Marshall is a troubled person. He writes violent rhymes in order to get his aggression out. Other than that, he doesn't really address his emotions or express them for that matter. I found that he avoids deep conversations and mushy situations at all costs. That is unless he eventually lets down his guard and lets you in. I'm one of the few people he gave the privilege of seeing his true colors. I'm also one of the few he has truly respected both as a mother to my children, and as his best friend. I've been there when he has gone through a few set backs and when he was in complicated relationships. He has not always taken my advice, but I know that although he has not always shown it, deep down he must have been happy to talk with someone. It is a sad thing that not everyone can understand him. But then again, not too many people bother to try. I have always had a gift for analyzing people, knowing what makes them tick. It's not a matter of being a shrink or getting inside people's heads. It's a matter of getting inside their hearts and caring enough to find out what makes them happy or sad. Its a hard thing for people to do to let other in. It's especially hard when you're Marshall Mathers. especially because everyone wants to be around you for the wrong reasons. Everyone but me. I'm one of the few people who've never asked for anything from him. I just wanted him to see that I was "real". I'm actually going to miss being there for him. I won't miss the complicated shit and problems created by his family and Kim, but I will miss our late night talks over bowls of cereal at 2 or 3 a.m. I won't miss the feeling of being taken for granted, like an unpaid nanny would feel. Yes, I did feel like an unappreciated nanny although I was always known as "Auntie" to Hailie and introduced as "Marshall's friend". I never wanted anything from him but respect and he knew that. But somehow that was too much to ask for. One bad thing about Marshall that had a hand in the destruction of our friendship. What might eventually destroy him, is the "circle" of people around him. Mr. Bad Ass Rapper who publicly has a big mouth and is quick to jump on people and fight behind a pen, still let's those he loves control him. As I told him a million times, until that part of him changes, he will always live caged up and he will never be happy. Although he has a hard time dealing with his complicated life and all the bullshit people, Marshall still wants the same thing most everyone else wants. From reading this book and learning from the decisions he makes, the lifestyle he lives and the people he surrounds himself with, I'm sure you'll figure out what makes him tick as well. I want to change the way you see him. I want you to meet The Real Slim Shady
Chapter 2: White Trash In-Laws
I've known Kim and her family for 20 years. We have always considered each other cousins, even calling the other's parents "aunt" and "uncle". I can seriously say that I could not be happier to know Kim and her clan is not my real family!
One of the first memories of the Aunt Kathy, Uncle Casey, Kim and Dawn are the four of them staying with us until they moved into their house on Chalmers in Warren. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Casey had just been married and Kim and Dawn were probably 8 years old. I always remember being very intimidated by Aunt Kathy. You see she is not like any woman you have ever seen. She's got to be around six foot two, 300 pounds and no teeth. People always called her "Red" because she would dye her hair red, almost like a cross between red and purple. I'm not lying when I say that this woman has a mouth worse than any truck driver, sailor or gangsta rapper anywhere.
Even back then she never really showed any class and she has not mellowed out over the years either. Many people have said that she is the true definition of white trash. I mean, she never cared how she conducted herself when she was in public. She will be loud and obnoxious at school functions if you tried to ask her to calm down; she would just get louder and act as if she was going to kick your ass on the spot. Every other word is "fuck" and she'll tell you exactly what she things of you. It doesn't matter who you are. There is no doubt in my mind where her daughters get it from. But I eventually learned that is just Aunt Kathy. It took a while but I got used to her. I found that sometimes she could actually be funny, the way she would tell a story and go off about every little thing. We all found her humorous at times. You just had to make sure there was no little children there.
Aunt Kathy and my step mom have been bingo buddies for as long as I can remember. She would come over 4 or 5 nights a week and talk my mom into going to the bingo hall. Sometimes Aunt Kathy would try and talk my mom into lending her the money for her own bingo too. Remember two were gone many evenings throughout our teen years, which we appreciated but Kim and Dawn should never have been left alone so much. Those two found trouble back then and a lot of it. They were doing drugs, getting into fistfights, and messing around with boys like many teenagers do. Only they were 12 or 13 at the time. that would be only the beginning of the Scott twins' wild streak.
After a few years of the bingo life, my dad got sick of it and stopped my mom from going. You can imagine that it was getting expensive, especially if my mom was paying Aunt Kathy's money all the time. I wondered how Aunt Kathy could afford her bingo habit. Yes, there is such a thing. It's called a gambling addiction. See, most of the time she didn't work. She had won a few medical related lawsuits but that was not until later.
Uncle Casey worked a lot though. He worked at Ford Motor Company with my dad. We hardly ever saw him, we thought maybe the rumors were true that the two of them didn't get along anymore. I know there was a lot of fighting going on in that house but there was no way Uncle Casey could ever divorce her. Everyone knows that she would be his worst nightmare and take everything he has. She proved it one day. I remember her coming over to have coffee with my step mom like usual except this time she was shaking and hollering and waving her hands in the air. As she went on and on, I heard her say what had her so pissed off. She said that Kim and Dawn told her that Uncle Casey had molested them both. I couldn't believe it. My mom asked her if she had talked to her husband and she said no. Instead she went to the credit union and took everything out of the account. She said she had totally cleaned him out. This was an exceptionally wicked thing to do since Ford had just given out their profit sharing checks and Uncle Casey had just put several thousand dollars, which was a lot back then, into the bank. Don't get me wrong, I'm a mom myself and I probably wouldn't have even been that nice. In fact I know I wouldn't have. But I heard her say that she was packing up the girls and everything and "leaving the son of a bitch with nothing". I remember my mom telling her to calm down, go home and talk to him. She said, "if he doesn't give you the right answers, call the police". Eventually I heard Aunt Kathy tell my step mom that the girls were just lying because their dad had grounded them. So she never left him and they're still together. Well, they're still married anyway. Ever since Kim and Marshall bought their first house, she has lived with Kim, leaving Uncle Casey at the old house on Chalmers. That seems to be just fine with him.
As far as the molestation accusation, I do not know what to believe. Kim to this day still says that it's true and Marshall even told me about it as if it were true. I'm inclined to believe it. A lot of victims of sexual abuse grow up to be promiscuous. That would explain a lot. Kim and her step dad still seem to be close though. She visits him still and they still smoke weed together. I thought I heard once, that a family that smokes together stays together!
Going back to my memories of Aunt Kathy, after my dad stopped my step mom from becoming a bingo junkie, Aunt Kathy's visits to our house diminished for a while since she no longer had a bingo buddy. I never really saw Kim during that period. She had her own wild life to lead. She was always hanging with Marshall, getting into trouble, doing drug, running the streets and getting into fighters with her sister instead of going to school. The only time I remember hearing from Kim during that time was when she had her mom call me when I was 17, which would have made her 15. She wanted to know if I knew where to get an abortion. It turns out that was Marshall's baby but they could not keep it. Marshall barely had a home to live in much less anything to offer a baby. He and I talked about it once and seemed pretty sad about it. I'm not sure Kim feels anything about it. She's not a very emotional person.
Kim's mom ended up coming back around again when she had no money to go to bing. She would come over and borrow money left and right. My mom knew that Aunt Kathy was using her, but that's they way my step mom is. she only complains about things to everyone else instead of doing something about it. Everyone knew that Aunt Kathy had a gambling problem. It wasn't a secret anymore. It would affect her mentally if she could not attend bingo; everyone around her would pay the price. She started out going to local bingo halls but now it has turned into only the halls in Ontario, Canada. You see they have much bigger jackpots over there so of course that justifies it. Some people have even seen Marshall and Kim a few years ago over there when he first made it big, thinking that, that would be the one place that no one would ever recognize him as they tagged along with her mother at the Canadian bingo halls. Her bingo obsession hasn't ended and I don't think that it will. Especially with Kim having money. Bingo, to Aunt Kathy, is just a replacement addiction. She actually told me she used to have a problem with alcohol, so she doesn't drink anymore. According to Kim, Aunt Kathy used to leave Kim and Dawn alone with their uncle for days at a time while she went on her drinking binges. Kim said that she remembers being scared because she was just a little girl and she didn't know where her mom was. Aunt Kathy has an addictive personality, as you will read later, Kim is cut from the same cloth as her mother.
Once Marshall made it big, Aunt Kathy had it made. She started demanding material things, making Marshall feel guilty for the times he had to spend at her house with Kim when his mother threw him out. "He owes me big", she would say. Whatever she wanted, she would nag at Kim until Kim told Marshall to give it to her. When they bought the house on Hayes in Sterling Heights, Aunt Kathy moved in and became the "nanny" to Hailie and her other granddaughter Alania, who is Dawn's little girl, for 300.00 per day. The only problem is, she was still going to bingo 4 or 5 times a week. So all of those nights, Aunt Kathy would just go to my parents house and have my little sister baby-sit. It's not like my sister Tonya had anything better to do. She didn't go to school and didn't work. But still, it never did seem right to me that my sister got paid $10 a day per kid, when Aunt Kathy was getting paid $300 a day to go to bingo. Tonya didn't seem to mind. She practically raised those girls and they grew up knowing my kids as their cousins. Hailie and my youngest daughter were especially close since they're only four months apart.
Kim's twin sister, Dawn was often pregnant. She had twins, Alaina and Adam born in 1993, she gave Alania to Aunt Kathy. Adam went to the father's family. That poor baby boy was born mentally and physically handicapped. The cause Kim told me, was Dawn's drug use during the pregnancy. You'll read more about her later. Anyway, the plan was for Aunt Kathy to raise Alaina instead Kim basically raised her. To hear the way Kim's mother would talk to this cute little girl, you would be shocked. Aunt Kathy, Kim and Dawn all have the same trashy mouth. I do not understand how you can raise your kids to have respect when you call them a bitch or an asshole all the time.
As Hailie and Alaina got older, they spent a lot of time at my house. Especially Alaina because Aunt Kathy didn't want to pay my sister to baby-sit. So basically I had her almost every weekend. The good thing is that she got to see how a real family operates. She had to follow rules but she was spoken to as if she was a little girl. I think she would have had a better chance in life if she were allowed to spend more time at my house. She might have grown up with some self worth.
Things got bad for Alaina when Kim and Marshall were going through the final divorce, Alaina would come and tell me that her "Nana" said bad things about Marshall. It's bad enough that Aunt Kathy would get physical with Marshall but she would also run him down and call him disgusting names in front of Hailie and Alaina both. That is the thing I can't stand the most about these people. They have no shame. They don't get embarrassed. They don't feel remorse. Although Aunt Kathy lived with Kim, and is being paid to be the "nanny", she has been caught several times stealing Kim's credit cards. Kim yells at her but it doesn't ever stop her from doing it again. What kind of a mother does that? Two words, WHITE TRASH.
I'm thinking that it takes a twisted person to sponge off your daughter's husband as you can. You call him up and harass him on a daily basis. Your daughter buys you a $40,000 truck with his money. You encourage her to divorce him, and manipulate the settlement so you get a $300,000 house out of the deal. And then sit back and smile a toothless smile in court on the day of the divorce proceedings. Now that's COLD! But wait it doesn't stop there. Six months after the divorce is final, Aunt Kathy calls Marshall to tell him that Kim is depressed and that he should take Kim back. Yea, ok. My question is, why? What would be the benefit for you? She could never make "Mother of the Year"....NOT HER! Unless it's the "White Trahs Mother of the Year Award"!
Kim's twin sister Dawn is quite a piece of work. If you ever get the displeasure of meeting her, you'll know that you have met a one of a kind! If there is a crown for Miss White Trash America, she is definitely wearing it! The way Kim lives her life is not great by any means, but at least she pretends to have some kind of class. Dawn never learned what class means and she acts as if she doesn't care to. She does what ever she wants no matter how it hurts anyone. Like I said, I don't think any of these women have had remorse for anything in their lives. It is public opinion, even in the Mathers household, that Dawn is the worst of the three women.
Ever since I have known Dawn, she had never had an ounce of respect for anyone. Constantly ranting and raving at her sister and her own mother, Dawn made it very hard for me to want to hang out over their house. Kim and Dawn would get into arguments daily. They were always yelling, cussing, and throwing things at each other. There were many times when these two would have knocked down, drag out, fistfights. They might have been girls, but they didn't fight like girls. They still to this day fight like a couple of guys. At twenty-seven years old, these sisters get wasted together and fight each other. Sometimes its over drugs; sometimes its over guys. One night in a limo, coming home from Canada, the two get into a fight. According to Kim, Dawn was so messed up that out of the blue, she reached over and punched Kim in the face. The fight was on after that! They fought so badly, though Aunt Kathy tried to break them up, they still tore each other's clothes off! Kim and her mother stopped the limo, pushed her out and threw her some of Aunt Kathy's clothes because Dawn's dress had been torn off. They left her there, standing at the border on the Canadian side. Two days later, the news reported that Dawn told the police Kim threw her out of a moving car. The whole issue of course was eventually dropped.
Dawn has always been the more violent one, but Kim always egged her on. Once when we were younger, I think they were around 14, Kim and Dawn had a fight. Dawn started chasing Kim around the kitchen with a butcher knife. They knew she was "on" something, they thought maybe PCP. Aunt Kathy could not stop her; she called my step mom for help. For some reason, the police would not do anything. This was probably because they were called too often to Aunt Kathy's house for the same type of incident. When my step mom got there, she had to strap Dawn into the back seat, she and Kim to sit on her until they got to the psychiatric hospital. My step mom ended up with bruises from where Dawn hit her. I don't remember how long she was in the psychiatric hospital, but I know it wasn't long enough. Kim and Dawn have fought all their lives. Aunt Kathy said when the nurse told her she had given birth to girls, she told them "take them back. I don't want them". She said she actually wanted boys. I would really hate to see twin boys with Aunt Kathy's mouth and bad attitude!
Although they fight like cats and dogs, Kim and Dawn have always stuck together. I think they always will. Sometimes I don't understand why Kim still associates with Dawn after all that she has done to her, then I remember. I have sisters that I feel are pains in my ass, but they're my sisters.
Kim has gong through a lot with Dawn even as adults. Kim has helped her mother raise Dawn's daughter Alaina and was supposed to adopt Dawn's little boy PJ until Dawn changed her mind. Dawn has gotten her tubes tied and that is definitely a good thing for humanity. She has had abortion after abortion. She had a baby, gave it up for adoption and now is attempting to raise this cute little boy, PJ. She leaves him with her boyfriend, who is not even the father, for days at time so she can off with other people, and she brags about it! She is on welfare, but she still gets Kim to give her money for her utilities. Kim knows that Dawn does not really spend it on her bills and she complains about it, but she keeps giving it to her anyway.
Three years ago, Kim came close to disowning her sister, Dawn showed up at Kim and Marshall's house demanding that they give her 5,000 or a mobile home and if they didn't she would go to the tabloids and air all of their dirty laundry. Now that's real sisterly love! Of course they bought her a new mobile home. Kim did not speak to her for a few weeks, and then things were back to normal. So Dawn has been living in this trailer, an appropriate place for her to live, and she gets her sister to pay her bills while she sits and collects welfare too. What a cushy life! Oh don't forget. She has that boyfriend who takes care of a baby that is not his while she is out with Kim doing drugs and picking up guys.
One night in a club, there was a man who was trying to pick me up, I told him no thanks. Dawn decides to start coming on to this guy and eventually asks for the keys to my truck. I told her "no way!" so she got Kim's keys instead. She said she wasn't leaving the parking lot. She just wanted to give this guy a blowjob. Twenty minutes later, she came back wiping her mouth and asking if she can take a sip of my drink. Hell no! See what I mean? A real piece of work. The worst thing is she has no respect for herself and she does not care! Kim, as you will read later is the same way. She just isn't so obvious about it.
So Dawn will continue to lead a cushy life because she will always fall back on her sister to take care of her. She's moving on up now! She lives in the house where they grew up, while Kim pays the mortgage payment and who knows whatever else. I might complain sometimes about how my sisters do not treat me right. But damn! I would never compare them to this white trash!
As far as how our families are getting along today, my step mom continues to be friends with Aunt Kathy, even though she has talked trash, got us all feuding and used my step mom for money in the past. My sister will babysit Hailie and Alaina for Kim even though my whole family knows what kind of person Kim is. My family are the kind of people who believe making a joint makes you a drug addict or drinking a beer a day makes you an alcoholic. I feel its ok to associate with someone who has alcohol or drug problems and consider them family. In my family, you would stop calling and visiting your daughter and grand kids for no apparent reason.
It's crazy how people can be used. I believe that my family still wants to be in the whole "circle" of shit with Kim and her mother because of the money factor. When I became friends with Marshall, for the sake of Hailie and my own kids, Kim and I became enemies. Now, she runs her mouth with lies about me to my family and they don't even stand up for me. I guess my family had to choose sides. They made their choice; they chose where the money is. Why not? I mean, two of my sisters have borrowed a large amount of money from Kim over two years ago and the last thing I heard, they have not paid a penny back. I think that means it was a donation, not a loan. So, tell me money is not a factor in the continuance of our families' connection! It's crazy how money motivates people. Its crazy people can be used and abused by the same people repeatedly, but if you are "real" and treat them good as gold, you're fucked! You don't even count anymore, You're tossed aside like garage. I do not understand this world sometimes.
Being without Kim's family in my life has been a blessing but my family is a different story. It seems like my family is something else I've had to give up because I was a part of Marshall's life. Just something else Kim has tried to ruin for me. If that is the case and they were that, quick to dump me, then they were never my real family to begin with. I am better off without them. It just sucks; I gave everything to be on a roller coaster ride that ended the way it did. Yes, I feel like an asshole. However, it was one quick and efficient way of cutting all ties with people who are not good for me. My kids now know what real family is, that is what is important.
Chapter 3: Kim, The Thorn In Marshall's Side
I'm glad Kim and I are no longer "family" but once upon a time, we were pretty tight and spent a lot of time together. I'd like to think she learned something from me. Maybe she learned how to be a pretty decent mother to her daughter. I know I learned some things from her. One of them was never stick your neck out so much for one person ; they tend to forget who you are.
I think Kim and I first starting getting close when she had a miscarriage with Marshall's baby after Easter in 1999. She seemed really torn up about it. Marshall could not be with her as much as he wanted to because of his upcoming tour. He was out of town a lot. I could relate to her I had a miscarriage about five years before hers. Later when she tried to kill herself, I was one of the first people running to be with her. I believed she loved Marshall in her own weird way, but I knew she had problems. For awhile I would buy into all the lies she and her mother would tell me, making me believe Marshall was this horrible wife beater. Being a victim of abuse myself, which made me want to stand by her side and be her friend even more. It was around that time that Kim and Marshall were arrested outside Hot Rocks, a club in Warren, Michigan. I even took Kim's side for that one and after Kim told me it was only a friendly kiss on the cheek that the bouncer gave her that night before Marshall went ballistic and pistol whipped the guy with an unloaded gun. Just another jealous husband, I thought. Lord knows I've dealt with jealousy before. Just one more thing I thought Kim and I had in common.
Marshall and Kim reconciled, again, a few months after her suicide attempt (of course the main reason of the reconcile was Marshall’s weakness and crazyness for this woman and feelings of guilty.I still don’t understand why?). Besides the ongoing court dates, and the threat of Marshall doing jail time, everything seemed happy. They bought a new house in Clinton Township because the other house was such a pain in the ass. Kim originally bought a house on Hayes Road, which is a busy street. They would throw M&M wrappers on the lawn, kids from the trailer park across the street would come and jump in their pool, and the media had a field day over there. That was more stress on them that they definitely didn't need. The new house in the Manchester Estates was bigger and it was in a gated community. You need a 4 digit code to get through the gates. It's really nice over there and it should be. He paid around 1.2 million and their house is one of the smaller houses in that subdivision. Most important, that house has blocked the trouble from the media or fans.
I started to see a different side of their marriage. Kim invited me to a few functions like Marshall's Anger Management concert in October 2000. Back stage and in the limo, those two were very loveable and affectionate. I couldn't believe it. It almost seemed like they had a real marriage! But it was far from normal. The way they talked to each other sometimes was terrible! I heard Kim dozens of times on the phone with Marshall, say " I hate you fucker!" Then he would always come up with something mean but not vulgar to say. He used to piss her off just by being a smart ass, which would get Kim's mouth running like crazy!
Another problem was Marshall believed that Kim really had a drinking problem. At that time, I didn't know it was that bad. I guess things should have pointed out that she really did have a problem. Kid Rock had an annual Christmas party at the Roostertail in Detroit. Kim invited me to go December 26, 2000 with her and Stacey. Marshall was to meet us there with his boys. I was conned into driving my Ford Explorer there. " Don't worry", Kim said. We'll find a way to get you home "cause you're gonna drink tonight. I want you to have fun!" So we're there maybe an hour or so and Kim is drinking her usual double Bacardi and Coke. We're all just hanging out having a good time, when Kim disappears with Stacey. There's no way I am gonna babysit her like usual when I can sit here and listen to Kid Rock and Marshall inventing rhymes and shit! I was sitting there thinking I was in heaven or something when Marshall leaned over and said " Would you go check on Kim? She's been gone awhile." I checked the bathroom and she yells, " Shut the door!" She proceeds to lie out a line of cocaine on this back of a toilet. I'm like, " where'd you get that?" She told me that Kid Rock had set her up with his "guy" and sold her an eight ball. She tried to get me to do a line, I was tempted to but I did not have a whole lot of experience in that shit and I thought I was driving home. I was trying not to get too hammered. I was also scared that Marshall was gonna come look for us and find out they were doing coke and I'd be tied in with it. Kim said Marshall would get pissed if he knew she was doing it, but doing ecstacy was a whole different thing. She said he loved doing that. I didn't get it. Both are drugs. Both are illegal. Ecstacy was a hallucinogen and it really fucks you up, it has bad side effects too.
Well shortly after that Kim was so fucked up that she fell out of her chair. Then she started bitching and screaming at Marshall. That was all it took. Within minutes we were rushed out the back door and into a waiting Suburban outside. One of the bodyguards grabbed our coats from coat check and I was pretty much pushed inside the car. We drove away leaving my car there in the parking lot. I guess Marshall is used to Kim causing a scene and they all know how to handle it now. On the way to Kim and Marshall's house, she was sitting on his lap in the front seat kissing all over him. Meanwhile Obie Trice in the backseat is trying to kiss me and ends up passing out on my shoulder. What a night! When we got back to the house, Kim and Marshall went to their room to do "whatever" and left me sitting on the couch with no vehicle, no way home, and I was very tired. Good thing DeWayne, Marshall's assistant, was nice enough to take me to get my truck and follow me home. That guy, like the rest of Marshall's bodyguards, is the nicest sweetheart. Unless, he is stressed out by Marshall's hectic lifestyle. Box and Big Rob are Marshall's other bodyguard and I think they are the nicest, biggest teddy bears. I'm really glad I got the chance to know them.
The next day I stopped by to see Kim and my Aunt Kathy was on the telephone calling the cops. Kim said someone stole her 10,000 dollar ring. They were gonna make a police report and put in an insurance claim. Kim right away blamed Stacey. She said " She has such a bad cocaine habit, she'd steal it, I know it!" I could not believe Kim would accuse Stacy like that when they were acting like best friends the night before. I told Kim to look around. I remember her being totally trashed and taking off her jewelry in the trophy room. She said that she knew for sure she took it off and put it on the night stand like she always does. I decided to look around the trophy room. I found it under a chair near where she was standing the night before. Being the nice friend I was, I gave it to Kim and they canceled the call to the police. Ten thousand dollars! But that was nothing compared to the value of a friend, or so I thought.
In February, two months later, I came back from a stay down south with my aunt and I called Kim at home. Marshall answered. I said, " where's your woman?" "She's not my woman anymore." He said. He told me she waited until he left town and packed up some things and left. She got an apartment not to far away. I could not believe it! He said " Dawg, I know she's got someone. She always does when she leaves me." I called her on her cell telephone and she told me all about it. About how she couldn't deal with him anymore. She denied Marshall's accusations about having another guy. But I saw her at the bar one night and guess what! She had a few guys with her. One of them was Danny. Later in the girls bathroom, Kim cut out a line for us to do and told me not to tell Danny about her doing blow. She said " I really like him. I just don't want him to know I do this. He smokes weed but he hates bitches that do coke. Please, please don't tell him I do this shit!" Danny was a good guy. He seemed to want to straighten her out. He drove her around to do her community service, which was part of her probation, because she couldn't drive. She still had a suspended license from a drunk driving incident. He was trying to get her to take her G.E.D. too. I could see how she liked him. She was always so happy when he was around, but he seemed so embarrassed of her and the way she acted in clubs. I think he was hell bent on changing her.
Kim filed for divorce; it seemed like it was killing Marshall. He kept Hailie a lot and looked like a lost puppy most of the time. He tried to get Kim to come home, but there was no way she was going to. She had too much freedom and too much money. He knew she was seeing someone else and she was partying all the time and this was driving him crazy. In order to prove Kim unfit in the divorce and custody battle, he had her followed. He had her videotaped too. He told me later that he had video footage of Kim doing lines of cocaine. I knew her life was a wild one. I was there most of the time. When Danny dumped her because he couldn't straighten her out, and because she had an abortion with his child, she would have about five different guys at her apartment every night. When I would go over there, she would have coke laid out all over the table and she'd be getting hammered and want to go to the club. Often she would call me at six in the evening; she would already be drinking. Mainly Kim just wanted a party companion. She wanted someone other then her sister ( who was not fun to party with at all ). Kim and Dawn basically fought half the time anyway. This is when my marriage started going downhill. Kim would call me to go out about once a week to start with. Then it turned into three or four times a week. All these times, Kim dropped Hailie off with her mom, my sister, or Marshall had her. I'd bet Kim went out six out of seven nights a week, but not just to the club. She'd go to house parties where she'd be a part of threesomes and foursomes. She told me about girls that she spent the night with. Supposedly, one of those girls had prescription drugs like xanax and vicodin, in her bathroom and Kim stole them before she left the following morning. She had no shame.
He had his suspicions before because Kim would hang out at the Rainbow Room, which is a gay club in Detroit. But from that morning on, he knew Kim didn't have a sexual preference. Shit, half the time when she and I were out together, she would hit on me. Giving me lap dances in the club. She didn't care who was watching. They all knew who she was. She didn't care. Her motto is " I don't give a fuck!" I felt like it was my duty to chase after her and protect her all night. Protect her from guys who were trying to take her home. Protect her from getting into more trouble. She was on probation and had to take drug and alcohol tests randomly. At first when she started with these tests, she would say, I can't go out tonight, they're making me piss tomorrow. She would buy stuff to clean out her system. Then it got to where it didn't matter because she made friends with the people at the clinic and they would pass her anyway. I couldn't believe it! It's amazing how money and fame will get you out of anything.
It seemed the more I hung out with Kim, the more my husband got pissed. He tried to tell me that hanging with her was trouble. He didn't mind so much when he was out with us, but when he wasn't, he couldn't protect me. Of course, I didn't see it that way at the time. It seemed like I couldn't say no to Kim. I would keep promising that I would not go out with her, but she would call and I would run into the bathroom to get ready.
I had fun when I was out with her. I felt I had to go and take care of her. I felt needed and I felt like I actually fit in somewhere. All my life I never really felt like I could fit in. I didn't have many friends. Having a baby at age 15 put a damper on my teen life and any freedom to party. That was ok, though. That was the road I chose. I felt like it was a small sacrifice to be able to play the ultimate role...of a mother. It did however feel good to live in Kim's world for a while. I didn't realize I was becoming something that I really wasn't. I was a mom, but nights with Kim would have me drinking, getting wild and doing lines of coke until 2 or 3 in the morning. By wild, I mean she would talk me into getting up on stage at Hot Rock's or Skinny's to participate in a " Hot body Contest". That really was not something I would normally do. But I did it anyway.
Before Kim, I had only done blow once and I swore I'd gotten it out of my system. I am not one for doing any drugs because I am a total control freak. While hanging with Kim I lost tack of all my own morals, there were times when Kim would come up and put her little baggie of coke in my back pocket because she didn't have any pockets. Those were the times my husband was afraid for me. I could have been busted holding her cocaine, lost my kids, my husband, my house and my freedom. There were people watching her and videotaping her for Marshall's custody case. There could have been people watching her from the D.E.A. as well. Kim didn't care what people thought. She did not care if they knew she was Marshall's wife and they saw her doing coke. She definitely did not care about me. But I didn't see that. Not then anyway.
My husband and I planned a trip to Cancun with some friends. I talked him into letting Kim go with us. I thought if she was away from the party scene for 9 days, she would calm down a bit. I had started to see things in her that bothered me. I thought maybe she was having sex with all of these people because she was not thinking straight. It scared me because she was not using protection either. She was still calling Hailie at least once a day, but she was blowing her off more and more. She started to break promises to Hailie and leave her hanging, which was not like the mother side of Kim that I knew. That's how I knew Kim was on a downward spiral.
We left on the trip at the end of April 2001 for 9 days. That was way too long of a vacation and my husband made me promise to never invite Kim again. As usual, I took care of all of Kim's arrangements. I booked her flight and room at the resort. She decided she wanted to take Danny. Even though they weren't dating anymore, she said they still remained friends. So I made the accommodations for Danny. Then Danny didn't want to go without his friend Louie. Probably because he knew Kim would leave him sitting there and go off partying as usual. So I made the arrangements for Louie to go. Kim paid for all hers, Danny's and Louie's accommodations. My husband and I paid for our own like we always did. I never wanted Kim to think I only cared about her for her money. Sorry I mean Marshall's money. She was always buying gifts for people with Marshall's credit card and the $1000 a week he paid for her child support. She bought a brand new motorcycle for Danny, along with clothes and a car for her other boyfriends. I did not expect or accept anything like that from her.
When we got to Cancun, the first few days were good. I knew Kim would feel right at home at this particular place because it was a nude resort and Kim is the first to admit that she's a FREAK! I mean we all have a freaky side to us, but she lives to be freaky!.We had a lot of fun hanging out at the resort. She acted as if I meant the world to her. She continued to call Hailie daily from her cell phone and she fought with Marshall just as much. I remember the five of us being in a taxi while she screamed obscenities to Marshall on the phone and talked to him as if he was shit. We all just rolled our eyes, but I think the cabdriver was a little scared!
I noticed after the second day she was getting antsy. We all decided to go into town on the hotel strip where all the clubs and shops were, to sightsee. We all had a ball and then came back to the resort. My husband and I were happy laying around by the pool at our $250 a night resort that we paid for. Everyones room, food and drinks were already paid for, but that was not good enough for Kim. She and "the boys" took off the next day while we were sleeping. Of course Danny and Louie left with her because she had the cash. When we found out they had left, we were sort of relieved because we had felt the need since they arrived, to entertain them and we were supposed to be relaxing. But she was my "cousin" and I worried about her. I had a hard time relaxing.
After three days, I bugged my husband enough that we got a taxi and went into town to look for her. We were walking down the main strip and stopped for a bottle of water. All of a sudden, my husband spotted Kim in the crowd. It was not hard because she was the only one high as a kite skipping down the sidewalk. I called her name and she ran up and hugged and kissed me. She seemed so happy to see me, but I was pissed. " You worried me, you bitch!" She thought it was funny. She told me they were staying in this ritzy hotel down the street, so we all went back to her room. Of course, all this time my husband is giving me a huge attitude and we've been fighting because I'm " chasing after Kim again". His attitude changed when we got back to her room, she was now staying with two girls that she did not know and they had lines of blow out on the table ready for Kim. I kept thinking, I hope she didn't tell them who she is or they will never leave her alone. Of course she did because Kim " doesn’t give a fuck!". Those girls stuck by her the whole time because they knew she had the cocaine and the money. Kim said she found that taxi drivers in Cancun can sell it to you for a third of the price and as I found out that night, the shit was twice as potent.
I gave in and did a line. Then we went to a nightclub after we picked up Danny and Louie who Kim put up in their own room within the same hotel. After a few lines and Kim being her flirting self, my husband started to have a good time. But for some reason I ended up sicker then shit. At one point that night I looked for Kim in the club only to find out that she took off on us, knowing I was not feeling good. I found her across the street at the bar, trying to pick up the waiter. I told her I was going back to the resort and she said she would see me the next day. Even when I am feeling deathly ill, I still worry about her and I whined about it all the way back to the resort. By this time, I don't think either my husband or myself are having a good time. I was wracking my brain, trying to find out why I care about her or want to take care of her all the time. I guess it's that motherly instinct and wanting to help those in need. But Kim doesn’t care about herself, why should I care?
By the next day, I am totally done with Kim and I vow not to chase her anymore. It takes her two extra days to come back to the resort and she comes back alone. She complains that Danny and Louie went through her purse and took her money when she was in that other room with those girls. It was hard to believe, but why would she lie? I later came to realize she ran out of cash and decided to blame it on "the boys". Maybe she got tired of blowing shit up her nose, because she actually kicked back with us for the day. She wanted to get a tan and look hot for Marshall when she got back. Just to show him what he couldn't have anymore. She seemed to play the role of the woman scorned really well. As if she was the victim and Marshall was this huge monster. I bought it too. Even though I had already seen a side to Kim I didn't like, I was still inclined to believe her. We were like sisters now. I wanted to be there for her. However, I was tired of babysitting her.
The last full day there, Kim, my husband and I went to Playa Del Carmen. We shopped, drank shots of vodka at Senior Frogs, and rode jet skis. It was Kim's first time riding, so she was a little scared. But we ended up having a total blast! By the time she got off her Jet Ski, she said, " When I get home, I'm buying two of these Motherfuckers!" It was good to see her having fun without drugs and without people sponging money off of her. We always paid for our own drinks and everything. I can proudly say I have never borrowed money from her. In fact, she still owes my husband $100 because she said the ATM down in Cancun wouldn't work one time and she needed money. Little did we know that she needed it to buy more blow.
After a good time and drinks in the sun at Playa, we came back to the resort and took a nap. When we got up we decided she and I were gonna get dressed up in similar sexy outfits and go meet the new people who just came into the resort from Texas. They were young and the girls were strippers, which is right up Kim's alley. Kim had enough relaxation I guess and was ready to PARTY! But there was a damper on the plans. After getting dressed, I realized that the sun and alcohol had gotten to me and I was sick to my stomach again. She said " Maybe this will help." She pulled out a little baggie with a small amount of cocaine in it. I can't believe she still had coke on her! I said, " I don't know. I was sick the other night because of that shit." She told me to just try a tiny bit. Why do I even listen to her? This was the shit I was trying to get her away from. It's a bitch when peer pressure still hits you at 27 years old.
We went down to dinner and I felt even worse. I told my husband I would just go take a nap and I will probably feel better, but it didn't work. I was totally out of commission. An hour later Kim and my husband came to check on me. They were both buzzed and I could tell they were having fun with the other people at the resort. I told them to go have fun without me and Kim decided to jump on top of me. "I'm gonna rape you if you don't get up and come party with us!" Then she proceeded to kiss on me until I pushed her away. " I'm sorry I don't feel good, " I said. Even if I wasn't sick, I didn't want any part of Kim. I know where she has been and I did not even want to go that route on an experimental basis. No thanks!
Danny and Louie came back from town and joined the party. Even though this was a naked resort, these guys were not into showing any part of their body. Louie hardly ever talked and Danny just thought a bunch of naked people were a bunch of freaks. I was just interested in having no tan lines! Anyway, they were down in the resort bar getting hammered. Little did I know, Kim and my husband weren't in the bar the whole time. Kim decided to go look for more coke and my husband decided it wasn't safe for her to go alone. I thought we weren't going to chase after her anymore, but what do I know? Those two went to the slims of Cancun looking for a couple of grams of cocaine.
Kim is fearless when she is high. She does not care. She stood in front of one of the huts and told my husband to take a picture of her all coked up and high. They eventually came back to the resort and soon Kim was joining the other girls dancing on the bar, butt naked. Some guy from Dallas was taking pictures and videotaping Kim. He knew who she was, she was so wild and naked he couldn't resist filming her! My husband, being protective over Kim, tried to stop him. The guy said " She said I could." And Kim yelled to my husband " I don't give a fuck!" Typical response from Kim. Oh well! I am surprised those pictures haven't ended up in the Nation Enquirer or something by now. That's crazy! I wish I were not sick. I probably would have been watching all these chicks and laughing my ass off!
Later that night, everyone ended up in the hot tub, naked as usual. I guess Danny and Louie got so drunk they were naked too! This is when I really wish I were there. Kim decided she was gonna straddle my husband while she was completely naked and start kissing him. My husband said he pushed her away and nothing happened. My husband and Danny left, that was around 6 a.m. when the sun was coming up. Now, I've come to terms with Kim being slutty because that's just her way. but what the hell is she thinking? Hello! Are we not supposed to be "cousins"? Haven't I bent over backwards for her? There were dozens of guys she could have messed with that night. Why pick mine?
Kim, Danny and Louie were supposed to be going home on a plane at 7:30 a.m. Kim did not come back to her room until after six. Not knowing what happened the night before I went and tried to wake her and get her in a taxi for the airport. She was so drunk and tired that she sat there and fought with me. She tried to tell me she didn't care if she missed her flight. " I'll buy my own plane with my divorce settlement money. Now leave me the fuck alone!" Fine. I walked away. She stopped at my room on her way out. She told me she would call me when she got home. My flight didn't leave until later that day. I heard her tell Hailie that the next day, " We're all gonna have a BBQ at Auntie's house." I made her promise she would be there and I would get copies of my pictures to give to her. She said "ok."
She never made it and never called once we got back to Detroit from Cancun. She wouldn't answer any of my calls and I didn't know why. I never confronted her about messing with my husband, there was no bad blood between us, so I did not understand what was going on. I had heard rumors that she was even worse into cocaine, but I had no way of getting a hold of her, I decided to go to her apartment and confront her. I walked into her apartment and ther were three guys there. The place was a mess and there was cocaine residue all over the kitchen table. I saw a couple of pipes laying there with burnt shit in them. The whole place just gave me the creeps. I was like " Kim what the fuck are you doing?" She said, " Nothing fool. What are you doing?" She was in total denial she had a problem. She told me to stop being her mother and go away. I must've looked pitiful because I bawled like a baby. I was begging her to get help. She finally said, " I'm fine. I'll call you later." She never did. A few weeks later her mother called me crying, telling me that Kim was pregnant with this guy Eric's baby and she knew Kim had a coke problem.
She said " Kimmy won't even talk to me. You've gotta do something!" When there is a baby involved, I can't help but try to help in some way. My husband feels the same way, so we went over to Kim's apartment together.
She was not there at first. She went to the store, so I called her on the cell phone and told her I wasn't leaving until she came home and talked to me. She pulled up and we helped her with her groceries. We stood outside, trying to talk with her; she tried to walk away. " Kim I know about the baby," I said, and she stopped. I put my hand on her belly and told her that she should stop partying for the sake of the baby and I could help if she wanted help. I told her she had not been a good mom and she knew it. But I had faith she could be a good mom again if she tried. Again, I bawled my eyes out and was turned away. My husband made her promise that she would come by with Hailie and Alaina the next day for dinner and she said yes and she closed the door to her apartment. That was the last time I saw her as a friend.
After not hearing from Kim for awhile, I gave up. One day, after my daughter's kept asking to see Hailie, I called Marshall. I explained the situation, and he agreed that the kids need to stay together. They have all been raised to be " cousins" and just because Kim has a drug habit that shouldn't stop. I had no intentions on becoming friends with Marshall. At that time, I thought all the lies Kim and her mom told me were true and that Marshall wasn't the kind of person I would even be friends with. I was just trying to make my kids happy and also because I missed Hailie Jade. I was hurting a lot over Kim, but I found it easier to get over her when I saw all the parts I didn't like about her. I didn't even see my " Kimmy" anymore. All that was there was this cold unfit mother who wasn't even trying to stop feeding her unborn baby cocaine. Watching her made me wake up and remember that moms don't do drugs. I vowed to never use cocaine again.
Marshall was hearing this information from different sources in the beginning. He even got telephone calls from Kim's friend Stacey and even her sister Dawn. I didn't tell him shit. I don't know why, but I still felt loyal to Kim. I eventually grew out of that when I saw what she was doing to her daughter. She would take off for a week or two at a time; no one could find her. She went from calling Hailie several times a day to not calling her for weeks. She was out buying cocaine with money from a credit card that Marshall, by order of the judge, could not put a stop on. This all happened while the divorce was in progress and I don't know why Marshall didn't take away her rights as a mother. At least he should have fought for complete custody. Kim would go on trips across the country, sending Marshall post cards telling him how she is having fun spending his money with her boyfriend Eric.
Marshall took her to court once and the judge told them to go to this certain clinic and take a drug test right then. All of a sudden, Kim disappears from the court building and doesn’t show up at the clinic until the next day and her drug test comes out clean. Cocaine isn't hard to get out of your system. It's water based and can be flushed out pretty easy. That is what she told me once anyway. So again, she gets out of a sticky situation. Not too long after that, she admits to Marshall that she needs to go up north and dry out and she's taking Eric with her. She says she'll be gone about a month. Then she shows up in the news because she crashes a wave runner into a boat on Lake St. Clair. The Sheriffs department finds her and her friend walking down the street with life jackets. They put her in the cop car, they take her in and they book her. She pleads her way out of it and they let her go. They later find a rock of cocaine in the back seat of the squad car but can't pin it on her because they never patted her down. She was wearing a bikini that .If you were a male cop wouldn't you be afraid to pat her down too? My question is, if she was up north drying out, why was she on Lake St. Clair? Why isn't she with her kid? I gave up.
I have no respect for her. I have not had a friendly conversation with her since. I have nothing to say to her. She decided to have her love child, instead of having another abortion, knowing Eric is no where around. There were rumors that Eric's friend Guido might be the father too, but who knows. The whole time she was pregnant she wore big clothes to disguise it. She was about four or five months along when the divorce became final and even after that she made Marshall's life hell. She got $6 million, a $1.5 million house, and all the things she bought with his money during the divorce, and she still was not happy. She would call Marshall all the time and start fights with him. She would even yell at him in front of Hailie's school and tell him what a bad father he is. " A bad father Kim?"He said. " You're gonna know what a bad father is when that kid pops out and the daddy is no where around! You're gonna see how good of a dad I am to Hailie when you're raisin that kid all on your own." She is not alone.
Ever since she had that baby in the beginning of May 2002, she has regretted it. Thank God, so far there are no birth defects for this little girl as a result of the drug use, but that doesn’t mean the child will have an easy life.
Things deteriorated between my husband and I. I stayed away from my home increasingly. Marshall had needed my assistance with Hailie all the time now, because of the lack of help from his family, I found that the kids and I were staying over his house more then ever. Kim starting calling the house 5-10 times a day to talk to Hailie and she made sure to pump her for information all the time. Asking if we stayed the night, where we all slept, and what we did, Kim would have all kinds of information and ammunition to use against Marshall. She'd say to him " Oh, how cute! You're playing house with someone else's family!" Finally, she tried a new approach. She started hanging out at the house too. Knowing that Marshall has a hard time standing up to her or hurting her feelings, she acted, as she actually wanted to be a part of Hailie's life. She started forcing her way into Marshall's life. She'd come over and play with Hailie down in the game room, which I never saw her do before. She'd come over and bug Marshall to go to the park and play soccer, making him think they could still be a family like old times. Her mother even called Marshall and told him that Kim was depressed and crying every day because she missed him. I knew Kim still loved Marshall,but I couldn’t understand why she was fucking up her life so bad.
Kim invited herself over for Memorial Day when the kids and I barbecued with his family. She gave me the cold shoulder, but never started anything with me, I guessed it was because it might make her look bad to Marshall. She got close to Marshall's aunt and uncle who at one time could not stand her. Pretty soon, everyone and their brother was calling Marshall and asking him if he and Kim were getting back together and I was on the outside looking in. It didn't matter what I had put up with or sacrificed. I was no longer in the circle. Even though Marshall and I were only friends, that friendship was squashed by someone who could and would always hold Hailie over his head. Marshall called me from New York not too long ago and said things would work out better if I called Kim and hashed it out with her. She had been calling me a backstabbing bitch, saying how she was gonna kick my ass, but for some reason he thought if I could salvage my friendship with her, I could save ours. he said she wasn't big enough to call me, but if I went that extra mile, maybe we could all be one big happy family again. Yea right! I want to be a good friend, so I do whatever Marshall asks me. I called Kim and said, " For the kid's sake, lets squash this." She proceeded to go off on me calling me a whore and saying that something must've been going on between Marshall and I. She told me she feels sorry for my kids for having such a " whore:" for a mother. Oh, that's funny! Me, a whore? So I asked her " Kim, where's your baby now? And better yet, where is the daddy?" She hung up. She knows she couldn't face that question. My little sister spends more time with Kim's 4-month old baby girl that she does. Kim did end up calling back that day, but only to tell my husband what a whore I am and talk about having drinks with him sometime since she knew he and I were going through a divorce. She cracks me up. Whatever. All I know is that I'd be the happiest woman alive if I never see her again. She got what she wanted. Now she can go on with her life. God help Hailie. That poor little girl deserves better. It's a good thing she still has one competent parent.
Chapter 4: Marshall’s Love Life
Even as far back as the early Kim days, Marshall’s love for her has been truly sick. Many Marshall’s releationships with women weren’t so deep. He just had crushes on some hot babes including Mariah Carey and Brittany Murphy. But love for Kim wasn’t that way. It was kinda love and hate relationship. She was the main reason for his life’s being. He even hit her only once or twice during their long relationship and that was just because Kim hit him first. Once he told me about this and was like “I shouldn’t have hit her”. Kim used to do it many times, but Marshall was the one who was never responding. He always would tell his bodyguard to take her away because he never wanted to hurt her. Marshall probably would better hit his own mother instead of hitting the woman he loved. Here Kim had all the power. But Marshall had the other thing over Kim – their intimate nightlife. “No! Don’t touch me!” to Marshall was equal to “I don’t want you”. Kim did that many times and that was driving him crazy. Kim new her ‘No’ word was having a big effect on Marshall, he was becoming more obssessed with her, wanted her more, so she was still playing her role. However, sex was a need for Kim, so she liked it as much as Marshall. Pretty all their together spent nights were full of passion and desire. Once it happened I found Marshall lately at night sitting in the kitchen and I was like “Hey Marsh, what are you doing here so late, why aren’t you gone to bed?” and he was like “I was just wondering if Kim is sleeping right now” and then I was like “Of course she is. Why should you care?” and he was like “You know I havn’t seen her for a long time. I have to take care of her, at least she is the mother of my kid”. A long time not seeing Kim for Marshall was maximum one week and he would always call that short period a long time. When Kim tried to commit suicide by cutting her veins for the first time in the bathroom of their house, Marshall was there for her, but she refused to open the door, so he had to broke it. At that time they were married. When she tried to commit suicide for the second time in Cancun, where she went alone, secretely, it was again Marshall who saved her life even they weren’t wife and husband anymore. A friend of Kim phoned him and told Kim was going to end her life. Only because of Marshall we found out where Kim was. She used to tell him and me she would like to die in Cancun, she loved that beautiful place. When later I asked her why she decided to end her life like that, all she answered was “Somewhere might me a better place than that”. Everytime after Kim’s trial to kill herself Marshall was asking himself what he did wrong that this didn’t stop. He was thinking he should take Kim back but I couldn’t understand how they could get over things like that and still maintain a relationship. I mean there was never any trust. How could there be? Marshall would tell me stories about how Kim’s ex-boyfriends would come around and he knew she was cheating with them because of the way she acted. She would run in the bathroom, change, put on her makeup and do her hair. She would take off with them to the store and be gone for hours. She said they were “just friends” but he knew better. I’m sure that gave Marshall a complex to be afraid of women. To do things like that and treat him as if he was so stupid made him feel like a dumbass. So in turn, Marshall would go and cheat on her “to get even”. The relationship was fucked from the beginning. These are the things that Jerry Springer episodes are made of. But they were kids. Kids that hung around together, drank, did drugs together and did stupid things together. He told me stories about the two of them stealing bikes from people’s yards all the time. I teased him once and asked if Kim and Marshall were supposed to be Bonnie and Clyde. Even though they were always breaking up, they were basically together for about 12 (unhealthy) years. Years that would create the tone for Marshall’s future love life.
Most therapists will tell you people generally settle down with someone who has the personality that they are accustomed to in their lives. With Kim, Marshall could always count on the same interaction that he was used to having with his mother. In this relationship, Kim was always the dominant one. Far from soft and fragile, Kim could always back up anything she threatened to do. Mostly, he would back down from Kim because if he did not, a fight would happen. If there was alcohol involved, a fight would definitely happen! I think this is where he developed his fear of confrontations. Marshall was not always the soft one. He shot back with his mouth and he was really good. Kim, being raised by Aunt Kathy who had a very vulgar mouth combined with a bad attitude, was sure to verbally bitch slap anyone who pissed her off. Ever since Hailie was born, Kim had another weapon she could use against Marshall. She would always use that little girl to get to him. If he left her or pissed her off, he might never see his child again. That’s why Hailie’s last name is Scott and Marshall’s name was not put on the birth certificate for the longest time.At last Kim didn’t change her last name Mathers back to Scott after they got divorced. She’s still Kimberley Mathers. My question is ‘why’?
Their relationship was unhealthy from the start. However when Marshall started making the big money, things got a whole lot worse. Kim had always been belittling Marshall. She never walks up and hands out a compliment. When Marshall got famous, he would tease her about all the women who wanted him, and all the fans that adored him. She told him it was only because he was famous. She’d say “Look at Screech from Saved by the Bell! He has women all over him too. It’s only because he’s famous!” Kim probably was jealous of women who were around Marshall and that was because he was pop icon. Once Kim told me “Look Jenny, how many trash rubbish girls are choking around him. He will be gone with one of them one day.” And I was like “Stop thinking about it, this won’t happen. Girl, he loves you, how could you say something like that?!” Not too long into their marriage, a book came out written by one of Marshall’s ex-bodyguards. It contained pictures of groupies and proved that he had been unfaithful to Kim while on the road for one of his tours. This had a big splash for Kim and she started to get more angry , trashy and more unfaithful to him. Although Marshall admits he was not a good husband, he says most of the flings were before he and Kim were married. He says that during that time it was known that Kim was having flings of her own. Needless to say, that book was a major sore spot with Kim and Marshall.
Those two definitely had their ups and downs, their affectionate times and of course, their knock down, drag out fights. My sister Tonya who was on the first tour with Marshall, Kim and Hailie, saw Kim at one point trash the tour bus over some fight that started over Marshall looking at some girl. The tour bus left the next hotel without Kim, Hailie and my sister. They had to fly back from South Carolina. In a D12 song, they rap about Marshall and Kim, “You choke your bitch all in front of your peeps, she throws a brick through the window of your Jeep, and you’re back together by the end of the week, that’s so sweet… Slim and Kim argue too much!” That is the story of their life together. I do not think you can describe their relationship any better than that.
When Kim eventually left Marshall for Danny and filed for divorce,pain insaned Marshall began seeing a girl named Lynette. He met her a 54 Sound studio where she worked while he produced his CDs. She was little 21-year-old brown haired woman who looked a lot younger than that! That fling didn’t last long because she spent a lot of time at his house and started getting attached to Hailie.But Marshall didn’t like it.Marshall decided that being a good dad meant not advertising his love life in front of Hailie. He wanted to be different from Kim. He also remembered back to his childhood when his mom had different husbands and boyfriends, he did not want to do that to his little girl. Marshall had a longing to be with someone but he saw how the divorce affected Hailie, he would not to let anyone in. He told me that he would tell girls, “Don’t get too attached.”
Marshall was a single man again. He made sure that every party he threw or attended was decorated with strippers. That’s just Marshall’s way. The first party I went to with him had strippers everywhere. It was Marshall’s friend, Royce D 5’9”’s birthday and they celebrated it with a min concert at St. Andrew’s Hall. It was pretty cool. It was my first experience on stage watching Marshall and Royce do their thing. Later we went back to Subi’s house. Subi is the guy who owns Subi’s Place, a strip club, and he has some nice looking girls working there for him. It was always funny to see these girls swarming around Marshall like he was fresh meat or something. Marshall and I got into a heavy conversation that night about Kim and how he was handling the divorce.I saw it was difficult to him to talk about it. Since the party was loud, we went into one of the bathrooms and talked for a long time. At one point someone knocked on the door and gave us food.
That was our first heart to heart. We cried and we hugged, at that point we knew that we could trust each other with shit you cant tell to just anyone. That was really important to him. After we came out of the bathroom two hours later, his bodyguard DeWayne said, “Damn it girl! You and your heart to heart talks!” He was pissed that he arranged for all these girls to be there and Marshall was off with me. Sorry! That was not my plan. But it was funny though, how these girls had no interest in talking to me, but after I came out with Marshall they were really trying to get to know me. Silly chicks. I thought Marshall liked strippers at first, until he made a comment one time. He said, “Do they really think we take them seriously? I mean, they’re strippers!” I just think Marshall likes the attention. Not necessarily the action.
Everyone knows about Marshall’s women troubles. HE couldn’t find a decent relationship if his life depended on it. He can’t even have a “fuck buddy” (pardon Marshall’s expression) without it having to turn into a disaster. Marshall started seeing that girl Lynette again from the studio. Don’t ask me what he saw in her, except the obvious. a piece of ass. She would hang out at the house and the studio and play with Hailie. I mean she would play house and run around like a little kid, like she was one of Hailie’s friends or something. She reminded me of a little kid. Anyway, Marshall ended up giving her the boot because she was being to attached to Hailie and he was going through a divorce. He definitely didn’t want to get serious with anyone, so he ended it.
Well about a year later, around March of 2002, I saw her at the studio when Marshall was making The Eminem Show. I didn’t really see him talk to her much so I didn’t know what was up between them. But then one day, I came by the studio and she wasn’t there. He said, “Do you want to go for a ride?” I said, “OK” and we took off in my truck. It was nothing unusual for Marshall and I to either sit in the parking lot or to drive around for a while so he could let me hear his new stuff or get shit off his chest. Well, when got back to the studio, her car was there and he said, “Oh great.” When we walked in she gave me the dirtiest look. She did not like it when we would go into another room to talk for like 20 or 30 minutes. I figured she would get used to it. I was “Auntie” to Hailie and Marshall’s best friend.
It became the “norm” for me to be around a lot. I was getting the feeling that something was going on between the two of them again. Females do not act jealous if there is nothing going on. One night Marshall told me to meet him at his house at 8PM for my daughter was going to stay the night and help Marshall with Hailie. I got there at 9 but he wasn’t there. Finally around 10PM he pulled up driving his Benz with Lynette in the passenger side. They came in through the back and she walked right into his bedroom. He came up to me and hugged me. He said come outside and talk. Now it is March, and in Michigan it is cold! I didn’t understand. I said, “Ok, you’re seeing her again right?” He said, “Yeah, kinda”, like some little boy to his momma. Like I was gonna be pissed or something. I said, “Marshall Bruce since when do I care who you are banging?” The only thing I cared about was I had asked him a half a dozen times if they were dating and he said “No, she’s just a cool girl.” He said the same thing about other girls when he first started dating them. I didn’t understand why all of a sudden, he didn’t fell he could tell me these things. I really think that he was worried I might think less of him for having a “fuck buddy”.
The only thing that hurt my feeling was that all of a sudden she was allowed to stay the night and be seen in his bedroom. All the times he and I stayed up talking and having bowls of cereal, I had to sneak out of his room. He did not want his Aunt or Uncle to see me leaving his bedroom. ON the nights he insisted I stay over, I started sleeping on a day bed that is in his room for Hailie that she did not use. That practice soon stopped, he did not want Kim to know we were sleeping in the same room. Give me a break! He has so many damn relatives staying at that house there were no vacant beds! All of his couches are the most uncomfortable that I have ever laid on. But I improvised. I would sleep in Hailie’s bed with my daughter since Hailie mostly slept with her Daddy. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression of either of us.
If I, Hailie’s auntie, having to watch my P’s and Q’s, why does Lynette walk in as if she owns the place? I mean, she would leave her female stuff all over his bathroom. I could not believe he did not bitch about it. It was his decision and I supported him in whatever relationship he had. It did not last too long. He was complaining to me all the time that she is annoying him. He said she acts like a teenager, describing them as boyfriend and girlfriend, telling him her friends say he is just gonna hurt her like he did before. He said he tried to tell her they were not going out, and that they were far from exclusive. I told him he should break it off with her if he does not want her, but he said he tried. He told her that he was going on tour soon and he wouldn’t be around and wouldn’t have time for her. She said, “Even 15 minutes with you is enough time for me!” He couldn’t do it. What made him not want anything else to do with her was that she would stay overnight and beg him to let her sleep in his bed all night instead of finding another bed after they had sex. He would say, “Ok, but you better be out of my bed by the time Hailie wakes up.” Either she did not get out in time or she would get up and get into the shower in Marshall’s bathroom. Hailie would come in and jump in bed with her Daddy and out of the bathroom in a towel was Lynette.
He grew very tired of her and dodged her telephone calls. She would even call DeWayne and he would have to blow her off. I remember hearing him several times say when his cell phone rang, “Marshall it’s the pain in the ass.” And DeWayne would make up a lie. All of the telephones in the house were attached to caller ID that made it easier to dodge her. See Marshall by his own admission does not like confrontation. He would rather run and ignore someone than tell them “go away. I don’t want to be with you anymore.” Well, things catch up sooner or later.
The last time Marshall saw Lynette, he had thrown a party at his house. I wasn’t there because Marshall had DeWayne tell me that he was in the shower when I called and that he was just gonna stay home and work in the studio downstairs. DeWayne told Lynette that same thing when she called too. Marshall said later that night, he was standing in the kitchen talking to some strippers (of course) when he noticed the security camera showed Obie Trice at the door with a girl standing behind him. He thought to himself, “Who’s that girl with Obie?” but he couldn’t see her face. A minute after she came in Lynette saw Marshall talking to these girls and started making her way across the house yelling, “That’s it, we’re through!” She started making a scene but didn’t get too far when Marshall’s bodyguards intercepted. They escorted her out. The security code at the front gate was changed soon after that.
This is the way things go with Marshall. He chooses the wrong women every time. For example, lets examine Tara Reid. Sure everyone knows about her drinking problems now, but Marshall told me about it a long time ago. I always wondered why he did not seem to care for her movies and made insulting comments whenever she was on TV. He told me they had a fling. I don’t know if it was during her engagement to Carson Daly or not. He just told me that it was early 2001 and that she was “one of the two deadest fucks I’ve ever had.” The other one in case you’re wondering is Brittany Murphy.”
He said one was drunk all the time and the other was high on painkillers all the time. By the way, Marshall let it be known about him and Tara during an interview with LA radio host Big Boy at 106FM. They play a game where there are 21 questions in a hat and Marshall has to pull them one by one and answer them all honestly or else he punks out. One of the questions was “what celebrity do you regret the most ever getting involved with?” He said, “Mariah Carey”. Then they asked him, “Who is the celebrity you most regret sleeping with?” That’s when he blurted “Tara Reid.” Gee, I wanna see how many hugs he gets from Carson on TRL now! Marshall did say that he and Tara only went out a few times and it was no big deal. He didn’t say how many times they had terrible sex.
Other celebrity flings talked about were just rumors. They make Marshall laugh and shake his head. The whole Kim Basined thing while they were filming 8 Mile was hilarious, He once told me, “ She is a very nice lady and vert talented, but you haven’t seen her in person without makeup on.” I know Marshall, he wouldn’t say that about someone he is sleeping with. My favorite was the one about Carmen Electra. He told me about her when he was doing Spring Break on MTV. He said Carmen was there with a girlfriend and Marshall walked up to her with one of his friends. He asked them if they wanted to go get a drink and she rolled her eyes and said, “No, I don’t think so” and walked away. Believe me, Marshall doesn’t like her anymore! He has a hard time taking rejection. Im surprised she didn’t end up in one of his songs.
Marshall does not chase every female star linked to him. Sometimes he is the one chased! There have bee rumors about Pink and Beyonce Knowles liking him and wanting to make music with him but I never thought there was anything serious advances being made. He told me one time, “They want me.” I’m like, “Yeah sure.” Then he broke out that they both were so dumb but quite pretty. According to him, they have got 55 percents of Kim’s look (you see, Kim was the most beautiful woman in the world for Marshall. However, I don’t think the woman, who is so bad mother , could be the most beautiful. It’s not alright!) Marshall said Pink sent her cd to him and asked for his opinion. I didn’t believe him until he opened the case and it said, “Tell me what you think. Love Pink.” I was like “Aww! How cute!” Knew my husband was crazy about Pink, mostly because of her six pack abs and the few freckles she has on her face, so I though she was a sex symbol for all men. Not Marshall. He ended up giving the CD to Hailie for Christmas. Beyonce Knowles also sent once her cd to Marshall, but he was like “Well doesn’t sound like Mariah Carey but it’s ok. Destiny’s Child’s music is not the kind of music I like, man! I agree this girl has some talent, but her voice annoyes me a little bit.” Once I asked him if he would like to date Beyonce,he answered “I wish I could. But I don’t want to. She’s not attracting me like a woman. I know this ain’t gonna work for a long.I don’t wanna hurt women no more. My woman did it to me, so now I’m like “you’re a pretty chick, but I need you for a night and that’s all. There’s no love, there’s just a bed”.
Looking at Marshall’s track record for some reason, he is attracted to women with problems. My mom always told me that I’m attracted to the fucked up type of guy. You know, the ones that need help. They need me to fix them, therefore, I always feel needed. Marshall does not stick around to help them.. As soon as things start going bad, he ends it. He cuts the strings. With the exception of Kim of course. She’s the mother of his child and his addiction. NO matter what she has done or said to him, he can not cut her out of his life. He forgets that he has money and lawyers. She cant hold that child over his head forever. One day he’ll be one step closer to being ………
In Spring of 2002, Marshall and Kim's relationship hit a new phase. When Kim started the devoted Mommy act, Marshall seemed to be confused about how he felt he should act around Kim. He said he didn't know what to say but he didn't know how to get over the fact that she had another kid. I said, "That's what's at the top of your list of Kim's bullshit?" Out of all the things she had done to him in the past, cheated on him, publically disgraced him and almost cost him his freedom,he could not bare this one thing – her second baby. While Marshall was so busy those last weeks before his tour, he said, "Kim's been pretty cool. She's been helping me a lot with Hailie. I wanted to say, "IT'S HER JOB, DUMBASS! THAT'S WHAT MOTHER'S ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!" I asked him why the kids and I can't see him. He said he couldn't have me over the house because Kim would drop in all the time and he couldn’t take the chance that we would get into a fight, He said he knew she would try to start something with me. I guess he decided he wasn’t going to stand up for me.He decided to stand up for her, for trashy Kim, for the woman who “fucked up” his life so badly!He has got the wool pulled over his eyes if he thinks he finally got what he wanted. That’s kinda funny!One day I almoust was ready to scream out “Marshall!What the fuck are you doing!Why are you getting too close to this woman again?Why you want to start this bullshit again?Why you never think about your daughter?”
I didn’t do it. Marshall thought he was getting a family with a wife that was a good mom. I was already taken, but he wanted someone who would be as good to him and Hailie as I was. Marshall wanted to believe Kim was what he needed. He told me in the past, "I tried to turn a whore into a house wife and it didn’t work." He was again fooled by Kim's tricks. I feel that maybe he decided he was not so bothered by Kim's baby after all. She got what she wanted, the kids and I are no longer allowed over, she sent him off on his tour and went right back to what she does best. She drops Hailie off at my parent's house so that my sister can watch her and she does what Kimberly Ann does. People have said she has been seen at Skinny's nightclub doing lines in the bathroom. People claiming they have saw her at parties doing coke. She got six million dollars of Marshall's money in the divorce. How much cocaine can you buy with that?
I wish he could find that special female, someone who is real. He said that he tried regular, everyday girls and that has not worked out. They always end up fake and not liking him for who he really is, except Kim (well this is how Marshall thinks.I really think Kim is a fake too.) That's why he wanted to try dating girls on his own "celebrity" level.
Chapter 5: Mariah Carey
Marshall and I struck up a conversation about Mariah Carey. He had told me he met her a long time ago but then he ran into her again at some award show. He said that they had a kind of friendship going on and that she was a really cool person. The talk at that. Then I asked him in late May 2001 if he was dating her. I really wondered because he would talk about her a lot. I'd watch him sometimes stop in front of the TV whenever she was doing an interview or if she was on MTV or something. She was getting a lot of publicity for her movie Glitter and she had just come out with a new music video. He would stop and stare at her. You could tell he had a crush. Every magazine his Aunt Betty could find about her would wind up on his desk in his office. Pretty soon packages would show up at his door and Aunt Betty made sure to tell me whom they were from. "She sends Hailie gifts all the time. She is so sweet!" Mariah had a thing for the little girl toy "Hello Kitty". She would send anything she could find with Hello Kitty on it. Soon Hailie's bathroom and bedroom was completely outfitted. I mean they even had a toaster that burned the face of Hello Kitty on your bread! Give me a fuckin' break. Then Mariah would send posters and life size cut outs of her for Hailie's room and a full size glass framed picture of her to go in Marshall's office. Marshall was like a little kid and she was his idol.
Aunt Betty wasted no time making friends with Mariah. They exchanged cell phone numbers and it wasn't long before Marshall was taking the whole clan including Betty, Jack and their 3 kids to visit her. They stayed at Mariah's three-floor apartment in New York. Marshall told me that Mariah would take Hailie with her to the salon and they would both get their nails and hair done. Mariah acted like Hailie was a little doll. Almost like a miniature Mariah Carey. Whenever I talked about Mariah, Marshall would say, "she's just a very nice person. She's really cool to talk to and she's sweet to Hailie too."
I remember one time Marshall called me on my cell phone from Europe. He was wiggin out over Mariah. He said she had been acting weird and saying stupid things on the phone. He said she sounded drunk again. I said "Again?" He was telling me about the last time when she came to his house in Clinton Township. First, because of a mix-up, Mariah had to wait on the tarmac for 4 hours until Marshall's crew came and get her. When she came to the house, she would only drink wine. She wouldn't eat or drink anything else, just wine. In fact he said the whole time he knew her, he only saw her drink water or wine and she would only eat bread. Marshall told her that night at his house that he thought she had a drinking problem.
According to Marshall, Mariah said, "you're right. I don't need this!" and proceeded to dump out the remaining bottles of wine. When he was in Europe, he said it was as if she was back to drinking again. He asked me, "What's with me dating alcoholics?" I told him that I thought this mariah thing was just a crush and that he should be careful that he doesn't get hurt. He said he knew it was a crush. He said that he had been infatuated with her for years and now he was finally on her level and could attain what he used to think was unattainable. I told him I hoped he knew what he was doing because I thought from the beginning that it wasn’t gonna last. Kim was trying her hardest to get in the way. Hailie told Kim that Mariah was there once and Kim said she was going to alert the media just to be spiteful. I'm not sure if she really did, but I know there was media at the gate of Marshall's subdivision trying to get the scoop.
To me it seemed like he was getting in over his head with Mariah. He had just put out a D12 album, was working on songs for his new album, doing concerts in foreign countries, getting ready to begin filming a movie, and going through a divorce. All of this while he was chasing Mariah all over the world. He called me shortly after that, while still in Europe because he needed someone to talk to and he was frustrated with Mariah. He had asked her to come visit him while he was out of the country doing these concerts. He even said he would send a plane for her but she never showed. He had heard that she was going to see her ex-boyfriend Luis Miguel. He was bummed because she was supposed to take Hailie and meet Mariah in Florida for a weekend get-away and it looked like it was not going to happen. This was not the Marshall I knew. He didn't chase after females. They chased him. But I could tell that Marshall was in deep. I would be over at his house several times when Mariah would call and he would lock himself up in his office for at least an hour or two. I heard him on numerous occasions say "I love you" and that is definitely not Marshall. He says I love you to Hailie. He tells my kids he loves them. However, not to a woman. Marshall says he has trouble saying the "L world" to women. He said it was reserved for very special times. One time I think I got him to completely open up. He said "Dawg, I don't tell you this very often because its not my way, but I want you to know that you're my best friend and I love you. You're not gonna hear me say it all the time, but I really do care about you." Then he quickly changed the subject because he "hates this mushy shit!" The rest of the time he would say it to the kids and I when we left. "Goodbye, love you guys!" and that was about it. Maybe he felt pressured into saying that to her. He said she would say all the time "You don't love me!" He felt like he had to say "Yes I do!"
I got my hurt feelings sometimes when it came to Mariah. Mostly because I did not think, she treated him very well. There was more than one occasion when he asked me to come over and when I did, Mariah would call and he'd leave me sitting there for 2 hours while he went off to his office. Don't you know whom he called when shit hit the fan? When Mariah started with her breakdown and was calling him constantly saying weird things that didn't make sense, he called me. He said he had a CD burned of all the messages left on his cell phone by her. I never got around to listening to it, but he said she clearly sounded insane at the time of those messages.
Marshall said mainly. She talked about how Tommy Mattola was coming after. She said he was gonna kill her. She said she was disguised and hanging out in Harlem. She said Tommy had the phones bugged and that he would be coming after Marshall too. Then she went on and on about outer space and UFOs. Then she would change the subject and tell him how she wanted to announce to the world that they were in love. I believe Marshall was really freaked out! Once, after Marshall dodged her calls for days, she called his Aunt Betty on her cell phone. Betty said "Please Marshall. Talk to her, she says the cops were there to arrest her and they cut her!" He ended up talking to Mariah and found out that she cut herself on some broken plates. He eventually changed his home phone number, his aunt's cell and his own cell phone number.
Not to long after that, Betty started communicating to Mariah again. Marshall could not believe that she would still a friend with Mariah after all of that. "Everyone has a meltdown at some point in their life. Everyone has stress. You should be more understanding", Aunt Betty said. Marshall said he would never talk to her again. The last time they talked before she started melting down, she made a nasty comment when Marshall said he had to go tend to Hailie. That was the wrong move. Marshall was done. That didn't stop Betty from trying. One day in Marshall's room, he pulled a piece of paper off of his dresser. "Dawg, read this." It was a note from Mariah telling him that if he ever wanted or needed to talk, he can always give her a call, night or day. Marshall said there could be only one way that message got in his room. Could it be Mariah's girlfriend, Aunt Betty? Marshall acted like he didn't care. He crumbled it up and threw it away. I told him I knew she was gonna hurt him. He said I was wrong. He said he didn't get hurt because he never fully put his feelings out there to even get hurt. I wasn't convinced. I think he just felt like an asshole because he feel for her. He was probably embarrassed and his ego was bruised. He had to handle it his own way.
On his latest LP "The Eminem Show", Marshall mentions Mariah several times. Sometimes he says her name, like in the song "Say What You Say". Sometimes he just based most of a song on her and doesn't even mention her name. But you know who its about. At least I do because I've been right in the middle of it and I now how he feels about her now. The track "Superman", featuring Dina Rae, has him rappin about women in a degrading way and talks about how he can't and won't save them. He starts the song acting like he really digs the girl. "I know you want me baby, I think I want you too." They call me Superman; I'm here to rescue you...I'm here to save you girl, come be in Shady's world. Oh boy, you drive me crazy! Bitch, you make me hurl!" The song goes on to uncover things Mariah supposedly said like "Hailie Jade, I love that name! Love that tattoo, what's that say? Rot in Pieces, aw that's great!" He talks about how she never even knew him, so don't even try it! He threatens to slap her off her bar stool and says "Good Lordy Whoadie you must be gone off that water bottle! You want what you can't have. Oh girl that’s too damn bad.....Didn't mean to ruin your plans." And the chorus goes....."I do know one though, bitches they come they go. Saturday thru Sunday, Monday thru Sunday yo. Maybe I'll love you one day. Maybe we'll someday grow. Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway ho." I think that says it all. Tell me he never really had feelings for her! Yea right! Again Marshall proves that writing music is a form of therapy. I believe it's also about revenge. Fighting your demons with a pen. I think he's taught me well!
How he feels about Mariah now? Marshall acts as if he does with every woman he dumps, as if he cannot stand her. I asked him if she got the help she needed, would he try it again. He said "fuck no!" When Marshall ends a major relationship with a girl, there's no going back. It's done. Especially after he writes a fucked up song about her, anyway. Unless, of course, its Kim.
Chapter 6: Dysfunctional Relatives
Everyone knows about the relationship, or lack of, between Marshall and his mom. This issue we share. I grew up in a home with a mother who would whip my ass with a leather belt for no major reason. She would call me a stupid fucking bitch for doing something minor as spilling a glass of milk. According to Marshall, Debbie Mathers was more verbally abusive to both her sons than physically. Marshall said his mother "was a Quarterback with a hair brush" he told stories of the verbal beatings they received. Marshall and his brother, Nathan, do a skit where they mimic their mother and the things she used to say to them. "God damn it! I know someone's been in my purse! Marshall, it was you wasn't it? Little son-of-a-bitch, get the fuck out of my house! Where you goin? If you walk out of this house, you're grounded! Little motherfucker!" That was the loving parent Marshall says raised him.
He says most of his late teenage life; he was kicked out a lot. She denies this, but even Proof, Marshall's on stage side kick and life long friend, says Marshall was always being kicked out of his mothers house. "Shoot, I was at his house more than he was!" Proof said, Some of the times that Marshall was actually staying there, he brought Kim home because she needed some where to stay briefly when she and her mother were not getting along. But to hear Debbie talk, she practically raised Kim. Debbie told me one time when I answered the phone at Marshall's house, "I treated her like the daughter I never had and this is how she treats me." I swear I will never answer the phone when she calls again. I promise. They have caller ID on every single phone at Marshall's house and there's a reason. Debbie will call there sometimes ten times a day. If you don't answer the phone, she will call DeWayne on his cell phone. They woman can talk and talk and most of what she says is bullshit. She even tried tricking me into letting her talk to Hailie and that's a no-no. Marshall doesn't allow her to have anything to do with his daughter. He says Hailie can make up her mind when she grows up if she wants to have anything to do with her grandmother. But for now, he will make that decision for her. Hailie has already said she is afraid of her grandma. She thinks she's crazy. I'm not sure what happened to make her think that, but I don't think too highly of her myself. She told me Nathan had dreamed of moving in with Marshall so when he turned 16, she let him. Marshall says Debbie threatened to put Nathan in foster care if Marshall didn't take him in. So, of course, Marshall did.
Having Nathan around is another huge pressure on Marshall. He is a single father who is supporting an aunt, uncle and their three kids. Now he has to put Nathan through school, make sure he stays out of trouble and maintain a career. It's especially hard when Nathan doesn't want to cooperate and DeWayne is threatening to quit because of his antics. Nate thinks he is Eminem Jr. He demands to be carted around with his "posse" and given special privileges as if he is Marshall. He thinks he's the shit and demands that DeWayne be his personal driver. His AOL screen name is "ImSorryMama" and he brags to have over 150 online girlfriends. He's in tow of Marshall's videos, so I guess that makes him star. He's always sneaking girls in to spend the night and I told Marshall he better watch out. If Nate gets one of those girls pregnant, there's gonna be one hell of a lawsuit. Marshall tries talking to him about it, but he's not firm enough. Nathan just does whatever he wants. Marshall threw him in sweet sixteen party at a hall and gave him a brand new 2002 Pontiac Firebird. Then Marshall finds out Nathan's been complaining that he doesn't even like the car. Marshall gets phone calls from parents, complaining about him messing with their daughters or picking fights with other kids. Marshall just shrugs it off as people who just pick on his brother because he's Eminem. I started to really get upset with Nathan but it wasn't my place to say anything. It bothered me because it was taking a toll on Marshall. One day, Nathan had his friends over so he was acting "cool" and threw Hailie's kitten over the balcony. It landed on the coffee table on its tail bone and the poor thing could hardly walk for three days. I told Marshall to take it to the vet, but he said if he did, he might get busted for cruelty to animals and he couldn't take that chance. He ended up yelling at Nathan and threatened that if he didn't straighten up, he'd be packing up and going back to his mother's. It wasn't long before Marshall told me how bad he felt for yelling at his brother. I assured him that it was something he needed to do.
Marshall was always feeling bad when it came to his little brother. The kid would get himself into a jam and his big brother would feel guilty about it. Not too long ago, Marshall and the family were going to the movies like they often do. Nathan wanted to go, but he wanted to bring ten of his friends. Marshall said no. I'm not doing that. You don't need to bring your "posse" with you everywhere and expect me to pay for it. So Nathan opted not to go. Later that night, Marshall got a call that Nathan was in the hospital. Three men at a pool hall where he and his friends were hanging out had jumped him. Supposedly his "posse" ran away when the shit went down, leaving Nate to get beat with pool sticks. He ended up with staples in his head, bruised ribs and he walked with a limp for a week. Marshall said his mother is looking into filing a lawsuit against the pool hall, because she feels that not enough was done to help Nathan during or after the attack. Meanwhile, Marshall feels it was his fault because he didn't let Nathan bring all his friends to the movies with him. I told him, if it didn't happen that night, it would've been another night because Nathan had a history of starting trouble. He didn't appreciate my comment. He still thinks people only pick on him because of who his brother is. For some reason Marshall feels the need to protect his little brother even though Nathan has proven time and time again to stab his brother in the back. First he joined his mother on the Sally Jesse Raphael show and chimed negatively in about Marshall and his music. Then, he helped his mother put together a documentary on Marshall and his family. He brought a camera into his sixteenth birthday party that Marshall paid for and put together. The plan was to get film of Marshall doing karaoke as well as shots of him and their mother, but Marshall would not have anything to do with Debbie. Ironically, the camera messed up during Marshall's karaoke performance. Debbie's plan was foiled, but the fact remains that Nathan doesn't seem to appreciate his brother and doesn't seem to care what happens to him. I predict a lot more trouble from Nathan Mathers and the sad part is that it will spill all over Marshall.
Marshall's grandma, Betty Kresin, is in the media a lot lately and I do not know what to make of her. I know that she put a stop to Marshall using his late Uncle Ronnie's vocals on one of his tracks saying that he was desecrating her son's memory. Marshall only wanted to pay tribute to the man who was like a brother to him. Ronnie was only months older than he was and he looked up to him his whole life or a least until Ronnie died in 1992 of a self inflicted gunshot wound. Marshall said he thinks about him all the time and wonders what like would be like if Ronnie's girlfriend had taken him seriously the day he killed himself. I think Marshall is still grieving over it, and putting Ronnie's vocals on a song with his own, would be like the two of them being together again. Her objection to that idea is the only thing I really knew about Marshall's grandma. To tell you the truth, he never really talked about his grandma other than about how she was trying to sell t-shirts in the parking lot of one of his shows in Missouri, which is where she lives. She had taken the wedding picture of Marshall and Kim and put it on shirts and sold them. That is, until Marshall's aunt came and knocked the stand down. To hear his grandma talk, his aunt sprayed mace in her face and assaulted her. It sounds like the same kind of talk that comes from her daughter Debbie Mathers. Maybe that's where the farfetched stories come from.
I am sure Marshall's Uncle Todd fits right in too. Todd is Debbie's little brother and according to Marshall; Todd has been spreading lies as well. In this new documentary put together by Marshall's mother in an attempt to make more money off of her son, Todd claims to have been a father figure to Marshall while he was growing up. He claims to have taken him places like on fishing trips on many different occasions which Marshall says never happened. All I know is that the first time I met Todd, he was at a club showing off a picture of him and Marshall and bragging about how he was Eminem's uncle. Then he talked about Marshall in an unflattering way while he pulled out an article in the newspaper where he posed with Marshall's picture again. I just assumed he was another relative jumping on the bandwagon. It's one thing to be proud of your nephew. But it's another to say things that aren't true just to get recognition.
Out of all Marshall's relatives I have met, spoke to or even heard of, His Aunt Betty and Uncle Jack have to be the worst. When I first heard of these people, it was after Kim left Marshall and filed for divorce in 2001. Kim used to say horrible things about them and called them uneducated hillbillies. They moved in from St. Joseph, Missouri to help Marshall who became a single father. he was worried about Hailie not having family around and not living the family lifestyle. His Uncle Jack was a truck driver, with a modest income, and he and Betty had three boys together. Betty is Debbie's sister and has not gotten along with her. She does not agree with how Debbie had been treating Marshall (supposedly). They seemed happy for Jack to quit his job and to make a trip to Michigan and help Marshall.
The original plan was for them to find a house here, but no one knew how long they would be staying so they just moved in with Marshall at his Clinton Township house. When I first became a friend with Marshall, it was right after they moved in and I made it a point to ignore what Kim had told me about them. I decided to get to know them and judge for myself because I had already felt like an ass for believing all the lies Kim and her family had told me about Marshall.
At first, Betty and Jack were decent to my husband, my children and me. They even seemed polite. I know they did not know what to think of me because I was a former friend of Kim's. I was bound and determined to be nice to these people who just moved across the country, didn't know their way around and probably didn't have any friends. I offered to show them around. We were turned down. My husband and I extended an invitation to take them out to dinner, but we were turned down. I realized that it was going to be a lot of work for here. i mean, three kids and keeping up with Marshall's schedule and all. I offered to watch her boys so that she and Jack could go out by themselves one night. Again we were snubbed. I didn't understand why, but it seemed obvious that they were only acting like they liked us in front of Marshall. Eventually Marshall and I figured out that they did not like me coming over and helping Marshall.
They felt that was their job except they were not always doing it. Betty would bitch and complain a lot when she was asked to watch Hailie when Marshall started working long hours on the movie set. That's when he would call me to do what she wouldn't do. I thought it was pretty shitty that Betty and Jack were spending Marshall's money, living in his house, eating his food, driving his vehicles, using his health insurance, and becoming accustomed to his lifestyle, but not doing what they came there to do. But it wasn't my place to say anything. I just kept being the friend I was supposed to be. I even kept on being nice to them, making conversation until one day I goofed. Not thinking anything of it, I was talking to Betty one day and I asked what their plans were. If they were going to stay here in Michigan or if they were going back to Missouri eventually. This was just small talk. I did not mean anything by it. Blown out of proportion, they told Marshall I was trying to run them out of the house and soon after their attitudes were served in huge helpings! Things weren't so bad when my husband came around. Jack welcomed him with open arms. They didn't like me. I was obviously a threat to them and to the very purpose, they were there to perform. I didn't mean to be. I came over when Marshall asked me to. When Hailie whined for one of my daughters, Marshall would call my cell telephone and my presence would be requested.
I never pushed my way into anything. This was all a misunderstanding, I thought. Priding myself on being a great communicator, I felt that I had to get this out in the open and talk to Betty, woman to woman. I talked to her as nice as I could. I asked what I could do to make the situation better. When I finished with my peace offering, she had this angry look on her face and barely said anything before she walked away. What she did say was, "This is Marshall's house so I can't stop any of his friends from being here. If Marshall wants you here, then there's nothing I can do". Then she walked away. What the hell did I do? I was so frustrated, I couldn't see straight. I tried to put this to rest and it only seemed to make it worse because she went directly to Marshall and said she resented me approaching her that way and she felt threatened by me. I wanted to tell Marshall that it was bullshit, but I was trying not to make any waves. If I make things harder for him at home, he will not want the kids and I around. If that were the case then Hailie and my kids would suffer.
As time went on, I felt a colder chill when I went into the Mather's home, especially if I came over without my husband. Whenever I came over, it was customary for Marshall to walk up and hug the kids. But whenever he hugged me, if Betty was in the room, I was sure to see her eyes roll. She hated to see Marshall and I being close friends. Like when we'd all go to the movies. Marshall would ask everyone to move down the row so I could sit next to him. We were best friends fro God's sake! Of course he would want the only friend he has there, to sit by him. But if you look at Jack and Betty, they would be shaking their heads and whispering with evil looks on their faces. For a while I thought they had it in their heads that we were an item. I mean, my husband didn't come around a whole lot. He didn't feel comfortable. He felt like Marshall didn't really like him and the two of them never really meshed. Maybe that is why they felt uneasy about me coming over. It wasn't any of their business. Betty had no problem-playing matchmaker between Brittany Murphy and Marshall or Mariah and Marshall. However, they were stars, they had money. Oops my bad! All I had to offer him was friendship and three wonderful kids that called him "Uncle Marshall". Not to mention, my services at the drop of a hat. That was not good enough, I don't make millions of dollars a year. Miss Betty was now moving up in the world and her lifestyle was changing too.
During the time I spent around that family, I saw them go on many trips courtesy of Marshall's money. Besides traveling with him whenever he would go to New York, or LA, Betty and Jack often took vacations with the kids at Marshall's expense. Marshall would complain to me all the time about how they demand $10,000 to go to Florida with the snobby people they made friends with or about when they went to California when he was in the studio with Dre working on his new CD. They just had to go to Disneyland, the San Diego zoo, Universal Studios and had to spend a few days on the ocean. They were supposed to be out there to visit Marshall, but they were off spending his money and he couldn't even go. What really upset Marshall was that Hailie could not go. Kim refused to let her fly on an airplane, but when Betty and her clan got back, they made sure to show Hailie the pictures of everything she missed.
When DeWayne's girlfriend wanted to take Hailie to see Cinderella on Ice, Betty threw a fit because her boys were not invited. Marshall was so pissed about it, mainly because it got back to him that "Betty had a bone to pick with him". "Fuck her!" he said. "I paid for everything they have and every place they go and she's gonna make me feel bad about my daughter going somewhere with out her boys?" He was completely furious that Hailie heard about it and was feeling bad. She even said "Daddy, I won't go if the boys can't go. I don't want Aunt Betty to be mad at me." "No one makes my daughter feel bad!" he yelled. "I'm telling you Dawg, if she ever makes my daughter feel that way again, she's out of there!" I knew he was just talking out of anger. I just sat there in the studio listening to him vent. Then I gathered Hailie's things and took her to my house like he called me to. He had Dre in the studio and needed to work but Betty was complaining when Marshall asked her to come and get Hailie so he said forget it. He called the person he could most count on. The one he calls "SuperMom", and that was me.
It did not take long for these people to get used to living in the lap of luxury. Soon Marshall was complaining about Betty's shopping, and all the money she was spending on a daily basis. He would tell me she'd spend at least five hundred dollars a day on shit no one even needed! One day he was even complaining to me about how she was demanding caller ID on every line and every telephone in the house. "If they were still living in Missouri, they wouldn't be demanding all this shit!" he said. It started with little things like that. Then they didn't even want to drive the truck he bought for them when they moved to Michigan. They wanted to drive the suburban or even Marshall's Mercedes Benz. You see Betty and Jack had made new friends in Marshall's upscale neighborhood they felt they had to fit in. I did not matter it was not their money, it was Marshall's and he worked hard for it. What did they do for that money? They were brought in to surround Hailie with family and support Marshall in a time of need. That they did in the beginning. That was wonderful, but part of Betty's job, according to Marshall, was to help take care of Hailie, that is where Betty started slacking. It didn't take long before Marshall was getting pissed about Betty's attitudes when he asked her to do simple things like give Hailie a bath or take care of her while she was sick. He was in the middle of making a movie, putting together a soundtrack for the movie and writing and producing "The Eminem Show". He was a single dad and he needed help! This is why I felt bad for him. This is why I pushed off my own life and my own family when he needed me too, because his family wasn't doing what they were supposed to be doing. But, it wasn't my responsibility. In hindsight, it was up to him to make those people hold up to their end of the bargain. Unfortunately, Marshall cannot confront people or stand up for himself and that is partially why I'm not longer in his life.
As time went on, I got used to the treatment I received from Betty and Jack Schmitt. They problem is it wasn't just me they treated this way. Sometimes my oldest daughter would get dirty looks or talked to with an attitude. It was then that I went straight to Marshall. I told him, "I don't care what they do to me, but I can't have them treating my kids like shit too!" He promised several times that he would talk to them, but nothing ever happened. Sometimes it would make things worse and they would always deny it when Marshall asked them about it. But the next time I'd go over there, I'd get ignored or made to feel like I didn't belong. Little did I know at th time, Marshall's ears were being filled with lies. They would tell him I said things that I didn't say and they were trying to make it look like I was trying to come in and take over. That was the farthest thing from the truth. I actually started to make excuses not to come to the house while they were there. I didn't want to cause problems and I didn't want to be treated this way anymore. I stopped complaining to Marshall for the most part because I knew he didn't need the extra stress. I would watch him sometimes while he was working in the studio and just see the weight on his shoulders. I saw how he would stress out when Betty would complain about taking time out of her day to do something as simple as pick up Hailie from the studio and watch her until bedtime. It never failed. If Betty didn't do what he needed her to, he would ask me and of course, I did it. I felt bad for him and I also felt bad for Hailie. The poor kid was getting dragged all over and the "family" that was supposed to be surrounding her, was off doing their own thing.
As time went by, the Schmitt's got more and more used to the millionaire lifestyle. Christmas was a joke. We went to Marshall's house on Christmas eve to exchange presents with Marshall and the whole family was there. My family and I got the usual cold treatment from Betty and Jack, but Marshall was the one who invited us, so I tried not to let it get to me. What did get to me was the amount of presents that were in that room. You can't even say under the tree, because they would not fit under Marshall's eight-foot Christmas tree! Nathan and Betty's oldest son Josh were given like four or five pairs of Nike shoes and whole new wardrobes, just for starters! All her kids were swimming in gifts. I was so disgusting how the whole meaning of Christmas was totally trashed. You could see it on Marshall's face.
This was not how he planned Christmas. Later Marshall told me it cost his bank account over 25,000 for Christmas alone. That's sad. He told me that his manager Paul, DeWayne, and his accountants all know that Betty and her family is spending his money like there is no tomorrow. He said he already told Betty and Jack that they needed to slow down but he would have to have another talk with them. He said it was making him sick. His family came from a very modest lifestyle, and now they are living high on the hog. "Those kids", he said "have everything they ever wanted. For Josh's birthday I bought him what he asked for and spent $3000. I never got $3000 for all my birthdays and Christmases combined when I was growing up."
One day, Betty shows me the turntable Josh just bought. She said he had saved up the money for it. How? That thing cost at least two grand! How does a thirteen year old save up that much money in a couple of months when he doesn't even do any chores?" Good question. He knows how he got it. The same way they all get whatever they want. Marshall's credit card. He complains that Betty takes the kids to Dave and Busters, or Chuck E. Cheese, or Jeepers just about every day. If she needs pocket money, she just goes into Marshall's dresser and takes what she wants. Jack and Betty decided they didn't like the truck Marshall bought them, so they traded it in along with Marshall's purple Mustang to get a brand new Excursion and they told Marshall it still was gonna cost 5,000 more. No problem, just call the accountant. He complains about it, but then he hands it to them anyway.
When Betty celebrated her birthday, it lasted a week. They celebrated it at the house. They took her to dinner. Marshall threw a party with cake and gobs of gifts in the trailer on the movie set, the next weekend they flew in Betty's friends from Missouri and got a limo to take all the girls out bar hopping. I just sat there watching wondering why Marshall does all this for someone he complains about. Someone who does not do what she's supposed to for him, and spends way too much of his money. Meanwhile, I'm his best friend and confidant, I do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, my daughter helps take care of Hailie and these people are allowed to treat us like shit.
The last few months of our friendship, the treatment got worse. Maybe it was because they knew my husband and I were going through divorce proceedings and maybe it had something to do with me being around more often. Again, this was because Marshall asked me to be around. Jack would say stupid things to me and talk to me like shit, but at first it was when no one was around. He made it known that I was not wanted there. If I called the house for Marshall, he'd be rude and hang up making sure Marshall never got the message. For the most part, I wouldn't tell Marshall. He would not do anything anyway; it would just stress him out.
You had better believe they kept telling him lies about me. Betty would complain to him about every little thing. Like one time Marshall and I went to Dairy Queen to get ice cream for the kids, especially they BIG kid. Marshall is crazy about peanut butter cup blizzards. When we came back to the house, one of her kids had come back from his friend's house unexpectedly and there was no ice cream for him. I offered to give him mine, but she threw a fit. Of course it was my fault her kid didn't get an ice cream. Why, because I was driving the car? Marshall was the one who ordered and paid for it all. It was just an excuse to hate me more. Ok, hate me over some ice cream. I don't care.
You know if caused a major problem. Betty made it a point to have a discussion with Marshall and Jack after I left. First of all, she didn't like that I was there "all the time". Also, it was an opportunity for Jack to throw in some bullshit. Marshall told me Jack started in saying that whenever I'm alone with him, I tell him to pack his shit and move back to Missouri. Marshall told him, "This is gone on long enough. Do you know that every time you tell that story, it gets bigger? I'm sorry I don't believe you. She's my friend. I like her. She's good for Hailie and I like her kids. I do not have many friends over to the house, so the ones I do have a little respect for them. I love you but this is my house!" I was so proud of him when he told me that. I actually felt appreciated for a change and I almost thought things were gonna change. But soon after that, Betty started threatening to move back to Missouri.
One night Jack made me feel so uncomfortable, I talked to Marshall. I told him "I'm sorry. You know I love you and Hailie, but I can't take it anymore. Jack is not just starting in on me when no one else around anymore. He is doing it in front of my daughter and I can't take it. I don't understand what the problem is and I don't know how to fix it." He said it would be no use for him to confront Jack. He said Jack would just deny it and unless Marshall witnessed it, there was nothing he could do. It didn't matter that my fourteen-year old daughter witnessed it. "He'd just say she's just sticking up for you." He said he thinks he knows what their problem is. He things Jack is fighting his wife's battles and Betty's problem is she feels threatened by me.
He also thought Jack treats me badly so that Betty does not think Jack likes me. I was totally skeptical about that one. He said Betty stopped having one friend of hers over because she was young, blonde and pretty and Betty thought Jack was interested in her. He was like "Look at you. You're hot and she's probably threatened by you." Yea, ok. I really felt it was because out of all Marshall's friends or girlfriends, I was the one he counted on most. I was the only one who could take her job from her and she might actually have to stop living in the lap of luxury. I would never do that though. I reassured him I had no intentions of coming in and taking anyone's place. He said he knew that.
He also told me that his aunt and uncle can be weird and he just did not understand them sometimes. He told me about one of the nights when Jack was drunk and started fighting with Betty. She came to Marshall complaining and wanted Marshall to throw Jack out of the house. She and the kids would stay with him if he would just make Jack leave and move back to Missouri. Later that night, Jack came to Marshall and asked the same thing. He wanted Betty thrown out of the house. These were the people whose marriage Marshall envied because he thought they never fought. I guess they really aren't better than the rest of us. Not only did they fight big time that night, but also Marshall said Jack accused Betty messing around with Marshall. That pissed Marshall off. "That's sick! That guy has a problem" he told me. However, he also acknowledged his aunt's weird ways and how she is trying to sabotage our friendship. "Dawg, please just put up with it for as long as I have to. It won't be long. As soon as I come back from tour, I won't need them anymore. I'll only have the movie premier and that's it. I'll be home and I can take care of Hailie myself." I told him I could help him with Hailie if he needed me to but I agreed to hold out and eat shit a little longer.
It seemed like things going even worse. Attitudes were flying around the house more often; I tried to stay away. I invented excuses for not coming to the house. There were times when the Schmitt family would go on vacations and the coast was clear. I could see it in Marshall. He seemed so relieved when they were gone. It was as if he had his home back. It's a bitch when you spend that much money on a house and it doesn't even seem like its yours. Maybe that's why Marshall gave in so often when it came to them going on vacation. Marshall said he did have to put a limit on the amount they could spend when they went out of town. Instead of $10,000 for a week vacation in Florida, he told them to find cheaper flights, stay in hotels that were less than the four-star hotels they had been staying in, and only spend 5,000. He said it's a shame I have to keep telling them to slow down on spending. "If you have to be told even once, that's too many times", he said. But I have a feeling Marshall isn't as forceful as he says he is to them. That's why when things started getting worse and he started getting attitudes from them, he went to stay in the Townsend Hotel.
He called me up and asked me to bring the kids and stay over night. He and Hailie decided to get away from Betty and her clan. I could read between the lines. He wanted to hang out with the kids and me but did not want to deal with the repercussions. It was sad. I told him "Some things gotta give. If it's easier to dissolve our friendship, let me know. I do not want to see you go through this anymore and, I can't go through this anymore. I'm going through a divorce and I'm a basket case already." He said he didn't want to end our friendship. Again, he promised me he wouldn't ever stop talking to me. He knew that the kids were attached and he didn't want Hailie to lose us. He promised he would put an end to all this.
He called me the next day and told me the good new. He said he sat down with Betty and Jack. They talked about everything and they said they understood how he felt. I could tell he was happy and a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Betty and Jack were going to find another house close by and until then, they were going to be supportive of his friendship with me. Betty even agreed she owed me an apology. Could it be true? Could the past year of shitty relations be coming to an end? That Friday after work, I picked up the kids and went out to Marshall's. From the time I walked in, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Betty and Jack greeted me with smiles and talked to me like I was their dearest friend. Jack asked me how I was doing. I looked at Marshall with a bewildered look. Jack has NEVER asked me how I was. Betty hugged me and was a total chatterbox.
Later, Marshall was working out in the garage, the kids were off playing and I was watching a movie in the theater. Betty came in and started bugging me to go to a party with her. I told her "no" two or three times. I figured it was a party with a bunch of rich ladies and I wouldn't fit in. Betty told me it was a manicure, pedicure and massage party. She was said "Grab a beer out of the fridge and lets go. It'll be fun." I went outside and talked to Marshall. He said "If you really to go, I'll watch the kids. No big deal." I told him that I really didn't want to go, but I thought I should since his aunt was making the effort. He agreed. He said he would call me in an hour, if I weren't having a good time, I could tell Betty that Marshall needs me and that would be my way out. Jack dropped us off at a lady's house in the next subdivision and Betty started mixing me drinks. It seemed like she was trying to get me drunk. It did not take long. I was drunk, sitting in the hot tub, and introduced as Betty's "friend". She apologized for how she treated me. She gave me the same excuse she gave Marshall. She felt she was in the middle between Kim and myself. She felt she needed to keep the peace with Kim for Hailie's sake and she's sorry if she came across in a bad way. What? How could you feel any loyalty to someone that hurt your nephew repeatedly and tred to destroy him? She and Jack have said over and over again how they hate Kim. So that is a total bullshit excuse. These were all the things I wanted to say to her, but I didn't. I was too drunk. All I could say is she never gave me a chance. I wasn't trying to step on any toes. I just care about Marshall and Hailie and was trying to help out where I was needed. Although I thought Betty was being as fake as humanly possible, we hugged and decided to put it all behind us.
That night I realized although Betty acts as if she is better than I am, she's still lower class. She acted like a scared schoolgirl trying to fit in with all the rich snobs. She was clinging to me so she did not feel so out of place, but once she was drunk enough, he hillbilly ways started showing, She was about to start a fistfight with some woman when Marshall and Jack pulled up and put us in truck. I was so embarrassed of the shape I was in. The problem for me was that the kids and I planned to stay over that night. I did not plan on Marshall being the one to tuck them in. I was drunk. That was the only time Marshall saw me like that, I think it surprised him a little. I'm thinking it surprised him a lot. That was the last time I saw him. I don't know and probably never will know why, but I’m sure betty and Jack has something to do with it.
Why doesn't Marshall see something funny about those two hating my guts for over a year, then all of a sudden they love me to death and want to take me out and get me drunk? Anyway, I'm now officially out of the way. So go ahead; sponge more off your nephew. Teach your kids to use people and raise them to be little gold digging leaches. You got your way; you took away Marshall's real family. Go ahead and laugh all the way to the bank. How do you find away to sleep at night? If I was like you, I don't think I could.
Chapter 7: Enemies
Right now Marshall is in the midst of getting another project underway. He just signed a new artist to his record label, Shady Records. The rapper goes by the name of " 50 cent". Marshall and Dre are really excited by him. I did not think his music was all that, but Marshall likes him because he says he sounds like Mace. He thinks this man is charmed. He told me he had just gotten out of the hospital from being stabbed and then shot nine times, once in the face! The guy lived and that's what impressed Marshall. I asked him if he would agree to change his name because it sounded cheesy. He was like " Fuck no! His name is dope!" Personally I don't think so, but I am far from being the expert on this kind of thing. I told him that I was excited for him and that I hope 50 cent turns out to be successful as Marshall hopes. The only thing I really worry about is if Marshall gets in over his head. There is a lot of baggage that comes with this person.
There are rumors that Ja Rule is the one behind his shooting. Personally, I don't see Ja Rule doing something like that, but I don't know the man personally so I can't say. There is more bullshit surrounding 50 cent and the contract he was under with a couple of guys. Marshall said they were pissed off when he swooped down and picked him up the day he was supposed to renew his contract with them. One these men used to work for Dre, they had a falling out, so they are bitter about the whole situation. Marshall said they are trying to mess with him big time. They talk to him like shit and threaten him all the time on the telephone. But when they talk to Dre they have a different attitude. I told Marshall I was worried about them retaliating. He said they wouldn't be that stupid. They don't want to mess with Dre.
Nevertheless, not everyone is afraid of Dre. In the music business I've learned that egos can get pretty big. When one artist steps on another's ego, shit can really hit the fan. For example, Marshall explained about the beef between him and Jermaine Duprie. Supposedly, J.D. had made a comment about being a better producer then Dre. Of course, Dre took great offense to it. He has been doing this for years, and in Dre's eyes, J.D. only deals with minor artists. So of course Marshall has to jump in and defend his mentor. Next thing you know Marshall is writing songs about him and he's now officially on his " shit list". It's just a bunch of immature bullshit. Rap stars with egos.
In my opinion, from seeing Marshall's life, Rap Stars are people who struggle to make it big. When they do, they think they're the cat's ass. They have their own little empires and they are given all this power. Nobody had better mess with them, breath a bad word about them or even looks at them cross-eyed. But the latest development in this particular beef, according to Marshall, is that Snoop Dog has come to J.D.'s defense. I could not understand this since Snoop and Dre go way back. Why would he stab him in the back like this? Marshall said he wondered the same thing, but supposedly Snoop was doing a radio interview and started dogging Dre and Marshall both. I started freaking out and worrying that something was gonna come back and bite Marshall in the ass. He said, " I don't give a fuck about Snoop! I ain't worried about him!" He went on to tell me about the first time they met, how he didn't like him even back then. I said, " Please just be careful." He told me not to worry about it and laughed at me for being " such a girl."
That is not what worries me. I start freaking out when Marshall tells me other things. He said this east coast-west coast thing is still big. So big that Xhibit, who is friends with Marshall, was at a club when Suge Knight rolled up with four people with guns. Suge approached Xhibit, pulled out a gun and started asking him questions. He asked if he was Snoop's boy. Xhibit told him no. That they were just working on some tracks together. Suge then told him he's lucky and that he'd give him a pass because he had the right answer. Suge and his crew got back in the car and left. Marshall said he told them whatever he had to because he didn't stand up for Snoop. Marshall was like, " how the fuck you gonna stand up for someone else against five guys with guns? Don't think for a minute Snoop would ever do that for someone." Marshall said that in the same situation he would've done the same thing. He's got Hailie to think about. It just scared me to think he might ever be in that situation.
The rest of Marshall's enemies only attack him in the media or lyrically. Everyone knows the beef between him and Everlast. Those two wrote songs back and forth about each other for a while. I think Marshall has moved on to other people. The same is with the artist named Cannabis. There was a misunderstanding, Cannabis thought he was blowing him off when he asked about doing a track together, that's all it took. Rumors started flying around that someone said this and someone said that. Next thing you know, they are writing songs about each other. Marshall's new name for him is "Canna Bitch". He refers to his pet name for Cannabis in a few new songs on the Eminem Show. He has created a whole song for him that has yet to be released. It is in Marshall's private collection; I had the "pleasure" of him playing it for me on the way back from the movies one night. Man, he shows no mercy on this guy! I guess when he is pissed; the kid gloves come off!
I thought maybe, if people saw that Marshall has softer side. He would not have so many enemies. I don't know why he can't share that with everyone. Instead he has to be this tough guy with a big mouth. I guess people bring it out in him, it seems like there is always some person who has an opinion about Marshall, and once they voice that opinion, it's on! These are the things he lives for. He can't wait to get his aggressions out, and when he sits down to write his lyrics in retaliation. He comes at them full force. It's his way of not taking anyone's crap. He might be a little guy, but he'll fuck you up the best way he can. What he does not understand is that everyone has an opinion and they are entitled to it.
He does not like boy bands, so he makes it a point to verbally bash N'SYNC and the Backstreet Boys. They never did anything to him, they never wrote a song about him. The same is true when it comes to Moby. Moby had made comments about Marshall's music once and now Marshall has to declare Moby is a " 36 years old bald-headed fag". He even sat on stage at the Video music Awards, calling Moby a little girl. I wonder if he even knew how out of control he looked that night. When Christina Aguilera presented him with an award, I thought there would be an argument right there on stage. He looked like he did not want to get too close to her and she looked like she would rather drop the thing on the floor then give it to him. That's what happens when you have these little wars within your lyrics. You end up seeing them face to face and you don't know how to handle it. It is especially hard when Marshall seems to make enemies by the minute.
He told MTV once that the Video Music Awards were the one night a year when you can fit everyone he does not like into one room. It is as if he strives to have enemies. Even Nelly has his spot on Marshall's shit list. According to Marshall, about a year ago, Nelly had made a comment during an interview, that he eats M&M's for breakfast. Marshall took it as a personal hit, and it was on! Eventually, they talked it out on the phone. Nelly explained he had heard rumors of Marshall dogging him so he had struck back. Marshall denied ever saying anything about him. He said he never had a problem with him, and told Nelly that Hailie Jade listens to his music. After that, Nelly instead " it was all gravy" and dropped it, but Marshall still says he doesn’t like him. It even bugs him that my oldest daughter is such a big fan of Nelly. I told him he needs to let it go and maybe these anger management classes will help him. I mean, sometimes I think Marshall's world is not complete unless he's fighting with everyone. We used to tease him that he wouldn't be able to write if there was no drama in his life. But then again, that never seemed to be a problem.
Being opinionated seems to be another thing Marshall and I have in common. He has even expressed in great detail, his opinion about fellow Detroit artist, Kid Rock. I always thought those two were tight, but I get the feeling that Marshall doesn’t show his true feelings when it comes to the Kid or "Bob" as we all know him. Marshall has invited Bob over to the house many times and he has even visited his house when Bob and Pam Anderson have thrown Barbeques or parties. They attend each other's concerts and have been in each other's studios sharing their new music. But when Bob's not around, Marshall dogs him like crazy he makes fun of my daughter and I because we have all of his CDs. He tells me all the time how conceited Kid Rock is in his songs and how he constantly raps about how "good" he is.
When Kid Rock's "Cocky" first came out, Marshall and I were going to Blockbusters to get a DVD and Marshall noticed it was in my CD player. He wanted me to flip through every song while he critiqued it. I swear he had a problem with every song! Then he listed to the song "Forever". He said, "I'm back? What kind of shit is that? Dawg, he is so full of himself!" I was like " Hello! There's a reason he named the CD "Cocky"!" He just seemed to despise all of his music.
Marshall got pissed off at him when they were backstage at Aerosmith's concert. Marshall said he was talking to Steve Tyler about using the music from their "Dream On" song for a track on his new CD. Marshall wanted to use the original version but Steven Tyler offered to redo the vocals for the track and give him the 2002 version. Marshall tried to turn him down. Marshall said he was thinking it would sound like shit because Steven's voice does not sound the same anymore, but he did not want to say that. So here's Kid Rock who Marshall said was pretty trashed, and he started saying stuff like " hey, this is fucking Areosmith here! You don't turn down Aerosmith, what's wrong with you?" Put on the spot, Marshall accepted Steven Tyler's offer. He said he wanted to kill Bob!
Turns out, Marshall said the new version did sound like shit and he decided to go with the old version anyway which offended Steven Tyler. Marshall said he was on the phone with him for over and hour trying to smooth things over. He had to use some reason other then the truth, that Steven Tyler's voice is not what it used to be. Everything seemed to work out but he still thinks Kid Rock was an asshole! He must not have disliked Kid's music too much because he copied some of it. In Marshall's song : Without Me" he says repeatedly, " guess who's back". Pretty much the same line that bothered him so much in Kid Rock's "Forever" track. Maybe it just sounds better coming from Marshall!
Marshall's creation, D12 proves that feuds can be long lasting. The group got kicked out of the Warp tour in 2001 because a fight broke out between them and fellow Detroit rapper, Esham. The fued supposedly goes back to the 1997 D12/Lil' Kim concert, when according to Marshall, Proof started in on Esham and called him to the stage. Esham's publicist claims that D12's entourage jumped him. I'm not sure but I don't think Esham knew what he was getting into when he wrote the lyrics to " All night, Every Day". In it he wrote " The styles that you runnin' 'round with is ours. You and them shady suckers is nothin' but cowards. Bang your brains in the dirt, make you go berserk. If you rap with Emily ( Eminem ), your ass gonna get marked."
Right there is definitely enough reason to get your ass kicked and that's just what happened. At the time when D12 was kicked off the Warp Tour, Marshall didn't need anymore bad publicity. He'd had enough trouble with the law and his bad boy image was starting to cloud the view of his talent. but what do you do? In the minds of these guys, these paper gangsters, you can't let anyone talk bad about you or make you look like a chump. Like Marshall says in an MTV interview, " I can't let nobody get over on me or I lose." In other words, he's been picked on all his life. He's not gonna be bullied anymore. I just hope he doesn’t get in over his head. He'd not always gonna be able to fight with a pen, and there won't always be someone around to fight for him. He's got a little girl to think about
Chapter 8: What The Future Holds
Who knows what the future holds for Marshall? No one could predict he would have this much success, not even him. People have always known how talented he was, at least the people around him did. Since he was a young teenager, people knew him as a wise ass that made up rhymes and used them as a shield to defend himself. " If I couldn't beat them with my body, I'd beat them with my mind" he told me. His good friend "Goofy" Gary said, " Marshall always had pen and paper. Everywhere he went, he's be writin'," I guess with all that talent, he was destined to be a star. Marshall is the most talented man I could ever dream of knowing I really believe he is pushed by his management to stir up controversy and live the bad boy image. That is what gets people to buy his CDs. That is what sells his talent. He is a creative genius who knows how to play the game and he knows how to quit the game when it is all over.
According to Gary, Marshall has fought for the last three years to make his music the way he wants. He has never backed down just to be labeled a "pop star". Not all of his songs can be like " My Name Is" or " The Real Slim Shady". Those were pop songs and they were catchy. I am sure that is what got him radio play early on. Marshall has to give the world the kind of music he wants. He knows his fans want him to be real and not sell out. He has to have total freedom to express himself or else he does not want to do it at all. I think now that he is so huge, he has a lot more freedom. However, how long will he make music? Marshall told me he would keep writing until it's not fun anymore. However, he will never quit being a creative genius.
Marshall knows he has a limited amount of time to do everything he wants to. He does not want to be 30 or 35 on stage jumping around like a kid. He said that would be ridiculous. He does not want to end up as a joke. Regardless of how many magazines and newspapers report he is 27 or 28, the truth is he will be 30 years old on October 17, 2002. he said he has no business on stage after the " big three O". Even in his song " Soldier", Marshall says " full of controversy until I retire my jersey. Until the fire inside dies and expires at thirty". I guess he sees that number as old.
On the other hand, maybe he is just tired. I never knew how busy he really was, until we became friends. His days consist of photo shoots, four-hour interviews, music videos, and record release parties. He flys across the country to produce his latest LP, and is always on the phone with Dre, his manager Paul, or the executives at Interscope. He is tired. I know he is. He has a bad knee. He has complained about the pain for a while, I pushed him to have a doctor look at it. Finally, he went. The doctor took X-Rays and said it is a problem with the joint cartilage. The only way he can minimize the pain is wearing a brace on his knee at all times. It is this shit that makes him feel old.
In early spring, Marshall said he did not want to do the latest " Anger Management " tour. In fact, he told me " I'm not doing this tour!" I said " yeah you will. I know you'll change your mind". Then the subject came up again a few weeks later he said, " well, I'm not doing any concerts in Europe. I hate Europe." He was worried about Hailie. He did not want to leave her for so long. When he realized he had to go, he scheduled it for the summer time so that he could have her with him. I offered to go with him during those times and take care of her. My kids were with their dad for half the summer. He said he would have a hard enough time getting Kim to let him take her. he said Kim would never allow me to be the caretaker.
This situation came up before when he filmed the " Without Me" video. He called me from LA and told me he missed the kids and I. We talked about me flying out that Friday with his little brother Nate. Nevertheless, he was afraid people would get the wrong impression. " Unless you're out here to watch Hailie! Then no one will get any crazy ideas!" He decided Kim would never let Hailie go out there with me. So that pretty much shattered any chance of me being the one to help. I had a job now and had sacrificed enough for him already. The only reason he agreed to do this tour was to make up for all the money he thought they were gonna lose on his new CD. People were stealing it off the internet, however he over estimated the loss. The first week sold close to 1.7 million copies. I told him everything would work out! "Have faith". He promised this was his last tour no matter what!
He will not be touring anymore, but you know he will still be writing. He talked about working with the female rap artist, Eve. He says he loves her style and he really respects her as an artist. He also wants to produce music for other artists. He told me he has a deep love for the whole process of making the music. Why not make a living producing? He produced most of the last CD according to him. He said Dre just puts his name on the thing.
Marshall flew out of town to a couple of times to work with Dre. Marshall said half the time he wasn't there, and the rest of the time he had so many people in the studio, Marshall couldn't get anything done. It is bad enough Marshall had to fly to Nevada because he does not like to work in LA and Dre does not like to work in Detroit. However, in the end, Marshall gave in and flew out to LA, but not without complaining to everyone that would listen, except Dre. Dr. Dre did come to Detroit once but Marshall said that trip was hardly productive. He had me pick up Hailie from the studio since Dre's large "crew" was crowding the place; it was not a good environment for her. He said it was not anything for one of them to spark up a joint at any time, and Marshall could not have that in front of Hailie. Being that Aunt Betty was giving him a hard time for cutting her plans short to accommodate his needs, I came and did as I was asked. It was funny because Betty had made it a point to mention to me that only certain specified people were to be allowed at the studio that day because Dre was there. She made sure to tell me I wasn't one of them. Big deal! For the few minutes I was there, there was wall to wall people I could hear Dre yelling while he was in the sound room on the phone. It was " Fuck " this and " Fuck " that. When Marshall took me into the room to let me hear his new track, I heard Dre complaining on the phone about his " fucking protégé" and about his " mother fucking deadline". By the time I got around to meeting Dre, I saw that he was in a vile mood so I didn't even bother him. I told Marshall I'd hear the track another time. I got Hailie bundled up and I left, leaving behind an obviously irritated Marshall.
Marshall has confided in me a few times that Dre criticizes a lot of his work, and does not seem to take it seriously. Don't get me wrong, Marshall is loyal big time to Dre, but he said it would have been a lot easier to do this CD all by himself. One example of criticism from Dre, Marshall said, was that in the song "My Dad's Gone Crazy" on the Eminem Show. Marshall says, "I'd die and come back as Vanilla Ice's son and walk around the rest of my life spit on, and kicked and hit with shit every time I sung, like R. Kelly as soon as Bump and Grind comes on." He thought that Marshall did not rag on R. Kelly enough. He wanted Marshall to really rip him up bad. Marshall said nothing more really fit, so they left it. Marshall says there have been songs Dre has come right out and laughed at him. Saying it is stupid and no one will like it. I told Marshall that " he needs to trust you more. You know what you're doing by now." I know that Marshall is loyal to Dre because he never would have gotten his big break if it were not for him. In addition, he has business ties to him, so he has to put up with whatever Dre puts out. The impression I got was that Dre just does the bare minimum so that he can take credit of Executive Producer that you see on the back of the CDs. you can hear how good these songs are produced and that is because Marshall is a perfectionist. I've been in the studio with him when he plays a piece of music repeatedly and changes it until he gets it perfect. I think he will be successful if he decides to be only a producer.
One reason he wants to go that route is that when you're behind the scenes, people forget who you are and they don't recognize you so much when you go out in public. Marshall wants so much to be like everyone else. I remember one time he had the day off and Hailie was with Kim for a change. He called me up and said, " I'm bored. Let's do something!" I told him I wish I could disguise him and take him out somewhere. " To the mall! Dawg, I miss going to the mall!" I said ok and I went to the store to get a fake beard.
When I showed up at his house, he was wearing some funky clothes. Actually, they were not that funky. It is just that I am not used to seeing Marshall in jeans. He was trying to look inconspicuous I guess. He was all excited too. Like he started telling me how he got cash from DeWayne so that he didn't have to use his credit cards and he kept saying " God, you know how long it has been since I went to the mall?" I felt so bad for him, but at the same time I thougth it was cool that I was the friend that was able to do all this stuff with him. He needed to get out and be a real person. Well, I was not able to get the right glue for his beard so we could not go to the mall. We just drove around trying to figure out something to do. Finally, we decided to go to National Coney Island by my house and get something to eat. We sat way in the back and it was 2 PM so there were not many people in the restaurant. We sta there for a while talking and eating. We talked about how much this sucked and how bummed he was. He said, " I never wanted to be famous. I just wanted to make a living doing something I liked and was good at."
He told me how miserable he was and he was stuck being isolated from the rest of the world. Then he starting freaking out because the bus boy was walking by our table a little too often. " He knows its me!" he said. " No he doesn’t! He's just doing his job!" It did not matter, he had it in his head that he was recognized and we had to leave. We decided to go see a movie but he did not want to go in like everyone else. Usually when Marshall would take us to the movies, DeWayne would call ahead of time and reserve two rows of seats. We would come in through the fire escape doors so the whole movie complex did not see us. I am sure it looked funny to everyone in that theater but there was never any trouble. The people from the concession stand would even come bring us whatever we wanted. However, this time it was just the two of us. Marshall had DeWayne call ahead and has someone by the back door but we had to sit with everyone else. We actually sat between two big older women, and we enjoyed every minute of it. That is the kind of life Marshall wants. What good is having millions of dollars if you cannot go out and spend it? That is no way to live life. He wants to give Hailie a normal life and maybe when he is just producing and not in the public eye so much, he can actually make that happen.
Another option Marshall and I talked about was for him to direct music videos. When he did the " Without Me" video, according to Marshall a lot of the concept was his ideas. The scene where the words come up on the screen and he points to them with the beat of the song that was one of his ideas. He said he had to tell them what to keep and what to throw away when it came to placing everything into the final product. I told him he should get into something like that. He is very creative and he has a great sense of humor. The person you see acting all goofy and weird in the videos, well that is the real Marshall. He said he would definitely think about projects like that.
As far as doing other movies, I am not sure. I know he does not mind doing small parts in movies like those he has done before. Nevertheless, this movie 8-mile kicked his ass! He had a hard time getting along with the director Curtis Hanson. He found him very demanding and Marshall said he felt like Curtis was purposely being hard on him. He said that other actors told him Curtis was treating him that way because Marshall did not know not to take his shit. Marshall told me that Curtis made him work many hours and they clashed when Marshall asked days off like Halloween so he could be with Hailie. Nights like when the crew was burning the house down in Highland Park; Marshall nearly lost his cool. They lit the house on fire and then called the actors in and started filming. They said their lines and walked away on cue, but Curtis kept making them come back and do it over and over again. Meanwhile, the house is engulfed in flames and pieces are falling off and landing by the actors. He kept bringing them back to do it again. I was having a coronary because I was afraid they were going to get hurt. By the time Curtis finally yelled, "cut" the house was literally falling apart and crashing down onto the scene. I guess that makes a good director, but Marshall was not very comfortable during the whole process.
He bitched a lot and I just listened. I knew there was nothing he could do, so did he. I think a big problem was this was taking place during the fall and early winter and Michigan. It gets really cold at that time! Not to mention Marshall was getting sick all the time. He lost weight to do the movie and every time he would eat something, he would spend an hour on the treadmill. I used to tease him and call him a hamster running on his little wheel. He slimmed down to 140 pounds and he is only about 5'9" or 5' 10". He was too skinny and his immune system was probably weakened. All I know is Marshall was miserable doing that movie and from the sounds of all his bitching, I do not think that is the route he would want to take, but who knows. No one has even seen 8-mile yet to see if he is any good or not. I have seen pieces of it, but I was too freaked out seeing him on the big screen to give an honest opinion. He is nervous to see what the world thinks. He is an all right actor but I think everyone will know where most of his talent lies.
On top of that, Marshall has his hands full with producing D12's second LP and everyone and their brother wants to work with Marshall. They either want him to write some material for them or throw out a verse on one of their tracks. He is frustrated right now because he wants to rest and lay low for a little bit after this 8-mile shit blows over and people are tugging him in all different directions. Proof, his buddy from way back and fellow D12 member, wants to go solo and assumed Marshall will produce him. He has already told everyone Marshall will do it. Bizarre also from D12 wants a solo career. Everyone wants a piece of Marshall. I told him he has to draw the line somewhere, but he wants to please everyone and he can't say no. Again, Marshall never puts himself first. Always thinking about other people is what gets him more stress.
In terms of him staying in Michigan, I know he will. Kim will never let him take Hailie out of the state and Marshall will NEVER be without his little girl. I know he talked about possible buying a new house, but that was probably because Kim just bought a new house. Its bigger and in the very next subdivision. But who knows, if he and Kim ever get back together, maybe she will move in now that Marshall's relatives are supposed to be relocating. I hope he does not reconcile the same bad relationship he has been in with Kim. He knows deep down that would be self destructive,despite his feelings about her. I know he is drawn to the same abuse he has grown up with, but maybe he will eventually grow out of that. For Hailie's sake, I hope he does. I do know that Marshall will keep working and keep busting his ass to make money. He told me he is just trying to make sure that no matter what, Hailie will be taken care of for the rest of her life. " And if I play my cards right," he said. " Hailie's kids will never have to work either!"
His heart is in the right place; he has managed to overcome all the rotten shit in his life so far. Like he says in the end of " Til I Collapse ", I will not fall. I will stand tall. Feels like no one can beat me." He may let his family step all over him, but no one or nothing will ever keep him down when it comes to his dreams.But dear Marshall, please, be careful with these ones!
Chapter 9: Update On Marshall And Kim
I had not heard from Marshall in a while, and after I started writing this book, I realized the obvious. Marshall did not have the guts to call, to tell my family and I that his woman forbids him to have anything to do with us. Yes, I said his woman. Kim has been spotted in public being " very affectionate ". When Marshall's concert, The Anger Management Tour, came to Detroit at the Palace, she was seen with him on the main floor before Marshall's performance. This particular information was broadcast on a Detroit morning station, 101.1 WRIF; callers made comments about how ridiculous this couple is. Now the world knows what I have known for years. These two are screwed up.
What about Hailie Jade? Some people think the child is the happiest when both parents are together. My opinion is, not when their parents are known for their violent fights. Witnessing that can only damage a child for life. Hailie already has her mother's attitude and is starting to talk to Marshall as Kim does. I told him one day; " You have to put a stop to it before she makes it a part of her personality. You have to teach her to have respect for you. Kim isn't gonna do it!" I already predict they will break up again but this time it will be worse that all the other times. I think Marshall will be hurt worse then ever before, but Hailie will be hurt the most. It tears me up to think of it. That child does not have a chance to live a normal childhood, and her parents are not using their heads.
With Kim back in his life, Marshall just invited in a lot of bad Karma, he thought he had gotten rid of. It has already started. September 8, 2002 Marshall's tour bus caught on fire before his hometown concert that night, it burned to the ground. I think this is the beginning. It may sound silly, but you do not know all of the things that have happened to Marshall behind the scenes in the past. Add in all the troubles he has endured publicly and you would see that although he is successful, there is always trouble in his life.
I have always believed that things balance out. Meaning, if you have fame and success overflowing your world, you have just as much crap seeping in. I fear that is the case for him. Although I have been irritated with Kim, she is still a human being and I fear for what may happen to her as well. Marshall's ex bodyguard, Byron Williams said in his book, Shady Bizzness, "I believe he's ( Marshall ) going to kill Kim for REAL. Alternatively, she is going to kill him during one of their nasty spells...I worry about Kim and Slim and hope their relationship does not end in tragedy. Hailie needs them both to be mature parents." This was coming from a man who had been working with Marshall since the early days back in 1999 and had seen it all between Kim and Marshall. Although they are not married anymore, I believe there is a strong possibility they will be together again because ot their sick love to each other and that will make even more drama when it ends again. Please Lord, watch over Hailei Jade.
Chapter 10: On A Personal Note
I wrote this book for many reasons. There were times when Marshall and I spent time together that I stepped back and looked at him. I thought to myself it is a shame the world does not know the man I know. It is a shame when I mention to the older generation, like my aunts, uncles and grandparents, that I'm good friends with Eminem, they cringe and give me a weird look. That is because all they know is his public image and his violent lyrics! They do not know the man behind the mask. He is a whole different person.
I would leave this man with my children overnight, without thinking twice! It was a shame. I was one of the few people who knew him. I appreciated him for who he really is. Honest to God, I really felt bad for the rest of the worl, who were missing a good thing! I felt like I made a wonderful discovery that no one else knew about. This is one reason I wrote this book. However, for the longest time, I never thought it was my place to share this man's life with other people. It was not until recently that I developed the " fuck it " attitude and decided I do not owe anybody anything! As you have read, things happened that made me realize that it is my duty and privilege to introduce the world to the man behind the mask. You have also read that there is a price to be paid for getting too close to this man. If anyone owes anyone, he owes me the right to speak my mind.
I know some people will not approve of what I have done. People will say my motives were selfish and I have no conscience. I can just see it now. People will just say I used my status with Marshall because I was planning to write a book the whole time. That is so ridiculous. I would know a lot more about everything and have more pictures and stuff if that were the case. I never pushed my way into his life, he invited me. I treated Marshall like a person, how I would want to be treated. I never had an agenda. I never chased him around with a camera or poked my nose where it did not belong. This is not how I would want to be treated.
Some people will try to make me look bad for bringing out the truth, but as a United States citizen, I have every right to speak the truth. Marshall has claimed freedom of speech and artistic freedom since 1999, so why can't I? Some people will say that I was just looking foe some money and maybe that I was cashing in on Marshall's fame. Many people have. His ex-bodyguard, Byron Williams, wrote a book about him, Shady Bizzness, which Marshall has not denied being true. The only explanation he has given about that book is that it was in his early years and he did things he shouldn't have, but that he claims that most of his infidelity was before he and Kim got married. Even Marshall's mother has attempted to make money off him. ( I'm sure most people won't ) I could not care less about the money. My husband and I both work full time jobs and are happy with our quiet little family life with our children.
We have never been motivated by money and to tell you the truth; I'm sickened by people who are. As you have read in this book, I am an opinionated person who does not fit into any category you may have. I believe in being a true friend, and being an honest person. I am sure I will have my critics and that is fine. Everyone has a right to his or her opinion. Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. However, do not judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes. You have not lived through the last two emotional years of my life with Marshall.
I am sure that some people will understand they will put themselves in my position. Maybe some people have been in similar situations like this and have had their heart ripped out. Maybe they have been taken for granted, had their world turned upside down, lost or nearly lost everything they loved, and had nothing to show for it. I think everyone who has ever loved of cared about someone can related to the impact it has on you when they walk out of our lives forever.
Imagine when it happens to your whole family. It even happens to your children too and they can not seem to get over it. You try to explain why that family member is not around anymore but you can not because you do not know why. You were never given a reason either. It's extra hard because the persona you cared about, the person that has walked out of your life forever is on the radio. He is on the CD playing in your kid's headsets. He is on TRL with Carson Daly, you watch his video reach number one again today and his posters are on your kid's bedroom walls. " Mommy, when can we go to Uncle Marshall's house and see him again? " I do not know how to answer that. All I can think is we are all going through a grieving process and it is hard when there is no closure. No explanation, just months of dodged phone calls and broken promises. All of this after making sacrifice after sacrifice, and busting your ass to be the " worlds best friend and auntie" to the Mathers family. I think most people in the world, unfortunately, have been taken for granted and hurt at some point in their lives. I am thinking those people will understand why I wrote this book. I am hoping this book will be my "therapy" and closure. Yes, I want to show the world the deep, smart and funny person "Eminem" really is, but also show how he tosses people aside when he is done with them or when his family pulls his strings. When I am done spewing my guts and telling everything I have to say, maybe I can put all of these experiences behind me and move on.
If I have not given you enough reasons why I decided to write this book, here are five more: my husband, my son, my two daughters and myself. This is my family. My real family and I put them through hell for the last two years so that I could be a part of the Mathers family. I apologize for almost splitting us up. My husband and I were two days away from a divorce before we realized what went wrong. This whole roller coaster is what went wrong. Honey, I am sorry for all the money we spent on lawyers when I should have listened to you in the first place. Now we are one month away from foreclosure and a step away from filing bankruptcy. I apologize to my family, for all of those late nights on the set of Marshall's movie. I am sorry kids for keeping you up late on school night when we had to go to the studio and watch Hailie. I apologize for all those dinners we had to eat in the truck from the drive thru lane because we had to run when Marshall called.
My love, I am sorry for leaving you behind all those times, and treating you like you did not matter whenever Marshall beckoned. I never should have put anyone before you. I forgot the vows I made to you. I am sorry. I am sorry for those nights we were up taking care of a sick child that was not ours until 3 or 4 in the morning on work nights. Kids, I am sorry for all of the fighting going on in our home due to this all. Nothing is more important that our family and I forgot that. I am sorry that sometimes I was acting like someone I am not. You should never allow anyone or any situation to change who you really are. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for all of the tears, and sleepless nights that you have had during the last couple of years. Kid's I'm sorry that I let you get close to someone and then allowed him to hurt you. I know he did not mean to hurt you. but it happened and I am sorry. It's over now. We have each other and that is all we need.
Marshall if you happen to read this, please know that although I am disappointed at how this all ended, I am thankful for many things. I am glad I got to know the real you. You have made me realize what a good friend I can be, though you did not always appreciate it. I know I helped you through some rough times. Like when I came out in the middle of the night to the Townsend Hotel because you were wiggin out when people were pirating your CD off the internet? No one could calm you down but me.
I know you will never find a friend like the one you had in me. Now I know, I have it in me to be extremely good to someone. I just need to give it to someone who will give it back, like my husband. As bad as it hurt when you dumped us and dissolved our friendship was a great thing. I almost divorced the man I loved because I was too wrapped up in you. The space you gave me helped clear my head and for that, thank you. Make sure the next friend you dump gets some sort of explanation, and don't let your family treat them like shit, while they do more and more for you each day. I think I deserve an explanation, don't you? After all, you respected me enough to nickname me "Supermom" and trusted me enough to tell me your darkest secrets. You need to get over your fear of confrontation. Your silly fear caused more heartache in my children than you will ever know.
Not knowing why hurts worse then the act of being dumped. This is just some helpful information for when the next dumb ass that comes along. That's what I was, a dumb ass. I was so busy living in "Marshall's World" that I did not pay attention to my life crumbling down around me. Instead, I gave you the gift of "family". The kids and I loved you, respected you, and took care of you. You know you will never find that again. You may have all the money, but you will never find that feeling again. For that, I feel sorry for you. That will not stop me from wanting to grab you and say "look at what you did, motherfucker!" I can't lie; I wanna knock some sense into you! That is not who I am.
I am not joking Marshall! Just last night I was up with my 14-year old daughter, holding her while she cried about missing you and Hailie and about how she will never see you again. I told her to sit down and unload it all with her pen. Maybe write a poem and let her feelings out. This is what she wrote:
I used to think I was always fat, ugly, and dumb
Until you came along and made me feel
Like I was someone.
I used to feel alone 'cause of the
people who came in and out
But I thought you were different
That you'd be there throughout
People said that you were bad
Because they couldn't see
The real Marshall underneath
And the way you were to me
They had no idea while they
were protesting against you
How great of a dad you were to Hailie
And how talented you were too.
You said you knew how I felt
"Cause people left you
And you would never hurt someone
They way they hurt you
But now my heart is breaking
Tears are falling from my eyes
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
This I soon realized.
You gave me ton of memories
That I'll treasure forever
but then the cold reality hits
That nothing lasts forever.
I still love you with all my heart
And everything was fun
But somewhere down the road
I have to realize it's done.
So here I sit alone
Tears falling from my eyes
But the worst pain of all
Is that I have to say goodbye.
-K.W.K
Think about your little girl. What would you do if someone hurt her? I know what you would do. Just know and feel lucky that I cared about you. I remember the good times, and the goodness inside of you. This time I will walk away without coming at you, full force for what my children are going through. Just picture the tears rolling down my babies girl's face when you wonder why I wrote this. I do not know how I can respect and care fro someone so much and still hate what they are doing.
Marshall, I wrote this book because I am hoping you will see things about yourself. Maybe my perspective of you and your life will show you the good and help you to work on the bad. Maybe you will not see any of this as bad. I do not know. I guess it's up to you to decide. What I do know is you are predictable. I know you are gonna come back at me with some nasty song or say something horrible in an interview or something. I know what you will be thinking; " I have to have the last word. I can't let nobody get over on me or I lose."
That is why when someone pisses you off you have to put him or her into your next song. I understand it is all about not wanting to be bullied anymore. It's about standing up for yourself. I am just like you, Marsh. I have been smaller then everyone else has and they picked on me my whole life. Look, this book is not to pick on you or make you look bad. I want to show the world what they are missing, and to show you what you have done to innocent people who cared about you. I do not need to explain or clarify things for you anymore.
One more word of advice though. Baby, get some real therapy. I know what I am talking about. Maybe one day you can be truly happy. Even though I am crushed, I still want you to be happy. So, take care of yourself and kiss Hailie Jade for me. Maybe one day she will remember she had an "Auntie" and that she was loved very much. As for my life, I am taking care of what's mine: my kids, my husband, my home and my dog. I have swept everything out of my life that was bad for me, including fake friends and family members who have chosen people with money over their own flesh and blood. Starting now, I am no longer gonna be bullied or be a door mat for people to walk on. For once, I am taking the right stand. Hey, I am a lot happier of a person now that I am cleaning out my closet.
Chapter 11: My Confession (The Lost Chapter)
I'm not doing this for anyone but me. Most people think they know what really happened, and why I wrote the book and they will continue to think what they want. I don't have time or energy to try and change people's opinions about me. But it's in my personality to want to make the truth absolutely clear. I have neglected to do that in my book on the advice of my agent and my ex-husband. I now intend to change that. This is the one and only post I intend to make, no matter what kind of ridicule I receive from posting my side of the story.
My ex-husband and I have had problems, serious problems since we got married. You could definately compare our marriage to that of Marshall and Kim Mathers. I guess you could call it a love-hate relationship. When things were good, they were really good and when they were bad, they were disasterous. Being friends with Marshall only magnified that. My ex and Marshall never got along, and my ex always told me that I was being naive, that Marshall had deeper feelings for me, that I was being used and I wasnt allowed to be around him. The more Marshall called me, mostly daily, the more it enraged my ex. Marshall would call, tell me that no one was there to help him, and I would go running. In my mind that's what friends do. That's what I did for Kim, before she started wasting her life away and rejected all of those friends who wouldnt help her waste her life away. But as my marriage got really bad, Marshall was in my corner, telling me that my kids and I deserve better. He gave me a safe haven on the nights when I was getting knocked around or in screaming matches with my ex. It meant alot to me to have a friend that cared about me as much as I cared about him. I, in return, gave him advice on his love life and was there to help him take care of Hailie when his family was too busy living the "glamorous life". He seemed to appreciate that he had a real friend who never expected anything from him. I think over time, he got more comfortable with me than either of us planned. Our relationship actually started the summer before.
During the summer of 2001, I had separated from my ex husband and sought shelter at my parents home, where I, or my younger sister would watch Hailie almost daily. Marshall had asked me out, as a friend, to attend a concert/birthday party for his friend Royce. I accepted and Marshall and I had a great time which ended in us becoming closer than we anticipated. We both thought would be one-time thing. I was not ready for a relationship and neither was he, for we were both separated from our spouses and he was actually going through a divorce with Kim. We felt it was just an act of weakness between two people going through hard times. I hadn't even started divorce proceedings. I wasnt even sure what was going to happen with my marriage. We talked often. He was out of the country on tour and whenever he'd call me, he was mainly checking on Hailie, sometimes talking to me about his problems with Mariah and he told me he would talk to me more when he got home. Soon after that period, my husband started seeking counseling for his abusive behavior and convinced me to come back home, only for the abuse to start again less than a month later. Marshall and I kept in touch, becoming close, so close that we were family. Our kids called us "aunt" and "uncle". It was like we had an unspoken understanding that our one incident together was not to be discussed or acknowledged ever again.
As time went on, things got really bad again with my ex and I was starting to realize that the wicked treatment I was receiving at home (whether I was hanging with Marshall or not) was not getting better. I had not left him because I didnt want to uproot my kids. I was worried about what switching schools and homes would do to them. Marshall was insistant on me filing for divorce. He knew I didnt have the money for a lawyer and insisted he pay for my expenses. I refused at first. I NEVER would take money from him. Not when I had to buy things for Hailie, or dinner when she'd stay at my house, or when I took her to the movies. I made him put his money away all those other times. Finally after him constantly bugging me to file for a divorce, I accepted. I cried in his office and told him that I was afraid that accepting his help would put me into the same catagory as all the other people who took him and his money for granted. He yelled at me. "If I thought that you weren't REAL, would I offer to help you? Don't be stupid". He told me he loved me, he was there for me and hugged me. The next morning at work, his accountants office called me for the details. The money was deposited into my account the next day. I've never been one to take help without feeling guilty, but I knew this would come back to haunt me.
Once I filed for divorce, my ex got even more violent. My daughter would call Marshall without me knowing, then give me the phone just to hear him say "get the fuck out of there! Pack up the kids and come stay with me!" I looked at my kids and knew that at his house, they would be able to be kids and forget about the fighting and yelling. So I did. The more I was at his house, the more Aunt Betti would freak out. Her and Uncle Jack made my days miserable over in the Mathers' home. I wasnt trying to "take over". I was just a refugee, and at the same time, the closeness between Marshall and I was comforting. My kids were able to be kids and not worry about their mom. But, I think it was more than that which bothered Aunt Betti. She saw how Marshall was starting to feel. She saw how he looked at me. He would tell me how his family would tease him while I was away, because he would sit there and stare off. They would say " aww...someone mis..ses Jen..ny!" My daughter said that he would listen to Usher's "You Got it Bad" over and over. Then he would ask her how I was doing, if i was ok. My daughter spent alot of time there. During the day when I was at work, he would have Dwayne(his assistant) pick up my kids and bring them to the studio or to his house. Driving in the car once, L.L. Cool J's "I need love" came on the radio. He turned it up and after it was over, he turned it down and asked my daughter again, "how's your mom". That was what made my daughter know that he had feelings for me, other than friendship. Then again, there was the fact that we wrestled around a lot , tickled each other, and he had a habit of coming up behind me and punching my ass cheek. I know it sounds weird. Imagine being on the receiving end of that!
I guess I knew for a while that he felt that way for me. I knew I was falling for him too, but I wouldnt let myself feel that for a while. My life was a mess and I still wasnt sure that I was doing the right thing by my kids. Marshall and I had many, late nights after the kids went to bed. I'm not going to get into the details of our "close times", I already think I infringed too much on his privacy and I had no right to do that. But these close times brought deep conversations and I realized that we did love eachother, in a way that I never knew two people could. It wasnt about being sexual. It wasnt about "Eminem" either. behind closed doors, while I was scratching his back for him, while he was telling me he loved me, none of that mattered. Looking into his eyes, seeing all of the worry and stress within a guy who just wants to be a kid sometimes, just wants to play with his little girl, and just wants to be held, I fell in love with him...the real him...underneath. No business, no PR, no tough guy involved in beefs with other rappers. Just a very smart, caring, warm and sensitive guy. I knew I was lucky to have found that. We did make a pact, though, that no matter what, the bottom line was friendship and we would always have that if nothing else.
After realizing that my ex would never leave my home until the divorce was final and that I couldnt seem to get a restraining order on him, I stayed over at Marshall's house as much as I could. I wasnt trying to move in with him. He knew that. I wasnt trying to "play house" like Kim suggested we were doing. I was trying to find peace and knowing that I was needed by Marshall made me feel better about my situation and life in general. But Aunt Betti was making it so bad that Marshall had to move us, himself and Hailie to The Townsend Hotel. I tried to tell him to take control over his life. That these people should not have the right to push him out of his own house. Then Kim started calling him and harrassing him. Threatening him with Hailie if we stayed over anymore. So he decided he was going to make sure I got to move out into a place of my own. Again more help that my pride didnt want to accept. The only thing that made me feel ok about accepting it other than my kids needs, was that he had been talking about us and our future together. I figured that if he was talking this way, he must know me enough to know that I don't give a damn about his money. He wanted me to get an apartment out by him, where his body guard lives, but I said no. It was WAY too expensive. I didnt want the kids to change schools either.He made another call and got me accepted into this apartment complex by the kids school so they wouldnt have to be enrolled in a new school. I have to admit, it is weird seeing the manager of the apartment complex every month when I pay rent after she knows Eminem called her and pulled strings to get me into this apartment.
The morning I was moving into my apartment, he called me from L.A. he was drunk (it was only 3 am there) He told me that he was very proud of me. That he knows its not easy for me and he wishes he was with me to reassure me that I was doing the right thing. He told me he loved me and that he would be home soon. I had seen him at his house 2 more times, spending one more night there, the last night being the night that Aunt Betti and Uncle Jack put on the act like they were finally going to accept me. What's funny about that night is that Marshall finally seemed to be open about his feelings to me. Hugging and kissing me in front of the rest of his family. He even tucked the kids into bed at his house while Betti was out getting me drunk. I really thought were going to be ok. Marshall came and picked us up from this party and helped me into his bed. We made love one last time and in the morning he said he'd watch the kids while I went home to shower & change. When I came back, he was working in the studio, so I just took the kids left.
He started dodging my calls after that. When I did get to talk to him, he was short and talked about how Kim was helping him more and more. My kids kept asking me to call him so they could see Hailie, but he acted like he didnt need us around anymore. When I talked to him before his concert in Buffalo, N.Y., he said that Kim had been telling him alot of stuff about me. I'm sure it was all the lies that she would later tell on the radio that morning of his birthday. I don't know why he actually believed it. He knew me! We were so close. He knew the real me, and I knew the real him! She's lied to him a million times before, why was this time so different? Anyway, he led me to believe we could still be one happy family if I called and kissed Kim's ass. I swore up and down that I wouldnt do it. I didnt like the person she had become, I had a real problem talking to her anymore, much less kissing her ass. For Marshall, my kids, and Hailie, I did call Kim. She was her usual mega-bitch self, calling me a whore and I hung up. I never heard from Marshall again.
Since then, I wrote the book which turned out to be a big mistake. After the let down with Marshall, I was weeks away from finalizing my divorce. My ex decided to put on the charm and walk back into my life with the story of "see, I was right. Marshall was using you the whole time. He was the reason for our problems. We would've been fine if he hadn't come into our lives. People suck Jen. The only thing we have in the world is each other. No one will ever love you or understand you like I do" After a while of hearing it and seeing his "changed guy" act, I decided I owed it to my ex for another try. He convinced me to tell him about alot of things Marshall and I did, personal and otherwise saying that we needed to be completely honest with each other. He had, infact been with another girl at the same time as well. He pretended to be understanding at a time when I felt I had lost my best friend and didnt have anyone else in the world. My ex told me over and over and over again, "you need to write a book. Marshall will never get the point if you simply write him a letter. He's changed his number, changed his security code at his house, and he's dumped you for that coke whore. You owe it to yourself and those kids to stand up for yourself." I consistantly said "no. That's not who I am. I don't betray people, people betray me." He said it was about time that I changed that, or people will always hurt me for the rest of my life. So I started writing and didnt stop until I got it all out. Well, most of it. My book was dissected. I wasnt able to write about, or tell in interviews what really happened. I didnt lie about ANYTHING other than exactly how deep my relationship was with Marshall. There was no way, living with my ex, that I could disrespect him like that. At that time I was also feeling guilty because technically, and legally, I WAS married. What business did I have falling in love with someone else, regardless of what was being done to me in my home?
Once I wrote the book, I became a puppet. I wasnt allowed to speak up when I thought something wasnt going right. My ex picked out my theiving agent and my incompetent editor. I had to put up with whatever decisions were made. I did whatever interviews my ex and my agent picked for me and I answered the questions the way I was told to. I sound like a weak dipshit, but things were starting to get shaky and unstable again with my ex. Once I moved back home, gave up my apartment and stopped the divorce, he had me right where he wanted me. World War III would break out if I stood up against "the team" or had a difference of opinion. These people wanted me to be in Playboy, Penthouse, Jerry Springer, you name it. I refused and suffered the consequences at home. My ex was playing the victim, of course, to whomever he could as the husband who was betrayed by his cheating wife and Eminem. I was the slut, the monster and at home, I was the wife who couldnt do anything right, who was spit on, verbally abused, hit, headbutted in the face, and choked. His family looked down on me, people were sending me hate mail, and I had to do interviews to talk about the man I loved, my best friend, and air his private matters. I made a huge mistake. I didnt know how to get out of it. I'm a strong believer in Karma and I realized this hell I was living in was what I deserved.
My "team" had these big plans. We had distribution deals being put together with all the Asian countries, Germany, and in the UK. We were supposed to go on a book signing tour in the U.K. as well as here in the states because Ingram finally started distributing our books. Amazon was picking up and "the team" was licking their lips for the profits to come. My agent even got a director for a documentary featuring old members of Marshall's crew, they were trying to pull in Benzino and they were talking to Marshall's grandmother (eek) trying to put something together for a pay-per-view cable deal. They were also writing a screen play for a movie on Marshall's life. They wanted me to help write it. As much as these people were intimidating, I finally got up the nerve to pull the plug. I had found out that my agent was keeping my money and had confronted him on it without the help of my ex whom had become tight with him. It had been my plan to quit once I had made enought money to pay back my debtors for putting out the book, but with all the big plans, I knew I had to pull the plug sooner than expected. Back in March, I laid down the law and decided that I would take whatever heat that I had to, in order to get out of something that I realized was a big mistake. I don't care WHO says I got paid off. I swear on my childrens lives that no one paid me a single penny to pull the book. No one threatened me into it either. I've been called an idiot for walking away from money and oportunities. I don't care. I'm about the principle, not money. Everyone around me knows that. I havent heard from Marshall or Kim or any lawyers with the exception of a lame letter from Kim's lawyer telling me I had 10 days to "withdraw any untrue statements" a year ago. I ignored it and never heard back again. I saw Kim in Skinny's Night Club about a year ago and thats it. Marshall knows I never got paid off. The problem is, no one thinks something decent can be done without some sort of monetary motivation. Give me a break. I'm hoping that Marshall realizes that I did this from my heart because I've realized that writing the book was a mistake. He knows what it's like to be a puppet and be pushed around by his abusive ex. I'm glad I got his attention and I'm glad he knows the hurt that he and Kim have done to me and my kids. But two wrongs don't make it right. I also shouldnt have been so hateful towards Kim. I was hurt when I wrote the book and I felt that she needed to learn to stop stomping all over people. I didnt take her man. She didnt want him until he was spending time with me. In fact, she was intentionally making his life miserable. I never intended to fall for Marshall, and I'm sure he feels the same way. The fact is, friendship was the major part of Marshall and I. We both felt that way. If he wanted to get back with Kim, that's all he had to say. But she wouldve never let him or Hailie be around us anymore. I was a threat and thats why she told him lies about me. She holds Hailie over his head and for that, she disgusts me. I was hoping if she read the book, she might take a close look at herself and change her ways as a mom. Stop doing drugs, make her life all about her kids and her man. I hate seeing her throw her life away like this. I have known her for most of my life and I don't want to see bad things happen to her. I know Hailie doesnt need to see this happen to her mom. Maybe she will get court mandated rehab. Someone needs to re-program her mind. She's been a wild drug addicted girl since age 13 but people can change. One could only hope.
I don't expect to ever talk to Marshall again and I don't need to. That's not what this is all about. All I want is for him in his heart, to forgive me. I feel like its my fault that he is going through all of this thinking that he has no "real" friends. That no one really loves him for who he is deep down inside. Had I not written the book, maybe he'd know that he could call me up to talk and that he wasn't totally surrounded by fake people. I hope one day he forgives me and finds happiness somehow. I know he realizes that I held back on alot of things in the book, and I didnt completely betray him. Most of his secrets will go with me to my grave.
Once again, you will make up your own mind as to what my motivations are. I have no reason to write this other than to clear up the uncertainties that my book left. I felt the need to show my part in it, to show that I was not innocent. I'm the one who was a naive asshole, believed what people told me, letting people use me and pull my strings. I betrayed a friend and a man I really loved because I let someone make me believe that I was finally standing up for myself. I've lost my familiy, my dignity, and my best friend, and it's no one's fault but my own. It's something to learn from. That's all I can do.
As for Peripheral Person, I strongly believe this is Marshall's aunt Betti and this is why. Look at her post under Update on Jenny.
-How would she know exactly what my relationship was with Betti and that I SUPPOSEDLY "manipulated her".
-How would she know that Marshall was seeing other people at the time when we were hanging out? I knew Marshall was seeing people (sleeping with them, nothing serious) but he was very discreet. He even talked to me about it. I was ok with that because at that time, we were not serious. I was still married, living with my husband and not for sure on the divorce issue. We didnt get serious until the last 3 months we were together. Before then, it was my job to give him advice and be a friend.
-How does PP know what "benefits" I "reaped"? My kids got gifts on holidays and Marshall took me to the movies and to dinners. But how would PP know unless she was around to see it?
-How would PP know about the abuse I endured by my husband or that Marshall thanked me "repeatedly for the kind things I did for him?
-Also, PP slips and says "OTHER people cautioned Marshall about my motives". Other people? Betti was one of the people who were so "worried" about my motives or about me doing anything for Marshall at all.
Its a very sad world we live in where, as PP says, "no one is that generous without an agenda". I never intended to fall for Marshall. I saw someone in need and I jumped in to help, when everyone else around him was only helping themselves to his lifestyle and bank account. I didnt even know back then, what a wonderful person he was deep down. Betti was the one knocking on his vocal booth in the studio to announce that she had filled his bathroom with fresh towels, among other dramatic acts in an attempt to make Marshall realize her value and he wasnt stupid. He knew what she was doing. I dont care if they believe my motives or not. If anyone truly believes that generosity of great magnitude is never done without an agenda, then our future as a human race is looking very grim.
I dont care what people have to say, or what magazine wants to take my words and twist them around. I know what I felt and what we lived. I deserved the hell I went through because of the mistakes in judgment that I made. Knowing the Marshall that I fell in love with, I believe that it will happen. I wish him and Hailie Jade the best. I will always love them both.
photos from the book coming soon
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